Nemesis Theory
by Raggedpelt
Summary: An ongoing tale of horror, humor, angst, and romance that takes place after the movie has ended. Rated "M" for graphic content. Any chapters that are NSFW will be clearly marked as such. Work-in-Progress.
1. Whiskered Evil

Another fine day in the evil lair, and Minion was doing his chores. Well, Minion supposed it was just the "lair" now. Did heroes even have lairs? Perhaps it was more of a hideout now, or maybe a solitary fortress? It didn't look much like a fortress, though, it was just an abandoned power station by the docks. Not really anything noble or heroic in that. It had been the best place he and Megamind had managed to scavenge.

The sound of the warp door stirred him from his thoughts, and he turned to greet his master, only to see that he was obviously trying to sneak something under his cloak. That could mean a few things, none of them good. "What have you got there, sir?"

Giving him a sheepish grin, Megamind pulled out a little grey kitten.

"Sir, we _talked _about bringing stray animals home."

"But Minion, look at her!" Megamind said, holding the kitten up, "She was stuck in a tree!"

The kitten gave the fish a fixed stare.

"Uh….girls like kittens, right?" Minion tried, "Maybe you could give it to Miss Ritchi."

"Oh, come on, there's no reason we can't keep her."

"Sir, I'd _really _rather you didn't."

"Why not?" Megamind scoffed, "There's nothing wrong with having a non-mechanical pet. I'll feed her and everything."

"That's what you said about the alligators, and _I'm_ the one who- That's not the point."

"Then what _is _the point? You don't like cats?"

Minion hesitated, "Well…"

"That is it, isn't it?" Megamind let out a laugh, holding the furry creature right up to Minion's 'helmet'. In a reaction as much instinct as fear, Minion cringed backwards, flattening himself against the glass on the far side of the bowl. Shaking his head a bit, Megamind pulled the purring kitten away again. "Minion, she's harmless! You're almost as big as she is anyway, and you've got _much _bigger teeth."

"Kittens grow up into cats!"

"You're poisonous anyway."

"To humans! I don't know if it works on cats! And it's just my skin!"

"She can't even get to you. You're inside an eight-hundred pound suit."

That reassured Minion a little bit, but he didn't seem convinced. He could tell just by the way that hairy little demon looked at him that she wanted nothing more than to make a lunch out of him.

"Besides," Megamind continued, "It's just a cat. You're a million times smarter than she is."

At that, the cat gave Megamind an absolutely _diabolical_ look. It was enough to make Minion flinch. The creature was pure evil, no doubt. "Did… did you see that?" he stammered, hoping that his master had caught it as well.

"See what?" Megamind responded, looking down at the kitten, who was by now wearing her best cute face.

"That look she gave you!"

"I know! Isn't it adorable? It's almost as good as that little face you make sometimes!"

"No, the _other _look, just a moment ago! She looked evil!"

"You're just misreading the little 'V' on her forehead."

Minion heaved a sigh, seeing that this was a fight he wasn't going to win in the short term. Maybe later on, when Megamind got bored with it, he could quietly rehome the kitten and he'd never notice. "You promise you'll _actually _take care of this pet this time?"

"Of course!" Megamind responded brightly, seeing that he was winning, "When haven't I? ….And the gerbils don't count. Neither does that frog. And _you _ate my goldfish."

"We ran out of flakes and you forgot to get more!" Minion shot back. …Of course, he had to admit, he'd really enjoyed the goldfish. He didn't get to catch and eat his food very often, so that had been quite exciting.

"Anyway, I need you to watch the kitten while I run to the store to steal some supplies for her, okay?" Minion gave him a hard look, and he corrected himself, "Er, buy. Buy supplies. I buy and pay for things now."

Minion heaved a sigh, "If I _have _to."

"Excellent! I'll pick you up a goldfish while I'm out, okay?" With that, he handed him the kitten and turned to go.

Minion held the little tabby at arm's length, eyeing her suspiciously. Who knew what she was thinking? Probably trying to figure out how to get his helmet open. Just look at her, with her ears laid back and her tail curled under and her big cute eyes… God, could those eyes get any bigger.

"Er, hello," he said with a nervous chuckle, "I'm Minion, please don't eat me."

The cat nodded.

"…You understood that?"

She gave another small nod.

"Do you have a name?"

She shook her head.

"Well, I'm sure we'll get you a good one," he said, "How much else do you understand?"

The tabby opened her mouth as if to answer, but quickly shut it, like she'd thought better of it.

"Oh! Can you talk too? It'd be nice to have someone else to talk to besides Megamind!"

Another long moment of hesitation, then she nodded again.

"Where are you from?" he asked, "Alien planet, lab accident, glowy meteor…?" In response, the cat just turned and licked her shoulder as if he hadn't asked anything at all. She then leaned over the edge of his hand, looking down at the floor, then back up at him in a questioning sort of way.

"Down?"

"Uh, some of this equipment is kind of sensitive and fur sheds…" he stared, but trailed off when the kitty gave him the saddest expression he had ever seen on any animal in his life, "…Okay, but don't get too close to anything." Bending over, he carefully set her on the ground. She trotted over to Megamind's planning chair, hopped up into it, and made herself comfortable.

Deciding that she was unlikely to cause much trouble, Minion returned to his dusting. Half an hour later, though, Minion found her sound asleep on top of the Black Mamba, which she had pulled down off of its hanger. He was _horrified, _he'd spent ages perfecting that cape, and she was shedding little grey hairs all over it! "Hey!" he shouted, reaching to take it out from under her, "That's a work of art! Not for cats!"

"Soft!" the kitten whined at him as she got dumped on to the cold floor.

"Fancy! Now shoo!" he shot back, trying to dust all the hair off of it. Once again, the kitten gave him that brain-meltingly cute look, and he softened a bit. "I'll get you a pillow, okay?"

* * *

When Megamind returned, their new pet was sleeping soundly on a pillow on his desk. Smiling a bit, he set the supplies down and turned to Minion, "So, did you two sort things out?"

"She hasn't tried to eat me," Minion said flatly, "But it's only been a few hours."

"Don't worry Minion," Megamind replied, "She got herself stuck up a tree. How smart could she possibly be?"

"I think you'd be surprised, sir."

Megamind gave his new pet an affectionate stroke, ruffling the fur behind her ears. She gave a faint purr, but showed no indication of waking up. "We still need to give her a name."

Minion didn't care much about that, "Where is she going to sleep?"

"I got her a little cat bed. I was thinking we could just set it down in the lower level."

"What about the Brainbots?" Minion wasn't fond of cats, but he didn't relish having to clean up the cat after the Brainbots were done playing with her, either.

"Good point. …I guess she could sleep in my room."

Minion didn't like that idea any more than he did sticking the cat down in the basement. He frowned, but didn't comment.

"For tonight, she can just stay on the desk. We'll get it figured out tomorrow. Goodnight, Minion."

"Goodnight, Sir."

Minion watched as Megamind headed upstairs, then looked back down at the huddled up ball of fur. She looked so tiny and helpless when she was sleeping. "You know," he said, more to himself than anyone, "You're not so scary when you're sleeping."

"You're scarier," she replied, opening one eye to look at him.

"That's only because you're still a baby cat."

"Don't worry," she replied with a yawn, licking a forepaw, "I won't be here very long. I'm supposed to go straight back home when I'm done."

That froze Minion for a moment, and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. When she was done with _what_? Thinking fast, he glanced up at the shelf where Megamind kept his Truth Serum Infuser. They had built it, and then never found a use for it, but Minion had no reason to doubt that it was still in working order.

"Hey kitten, would you like something to eat?"


	2. Milk and the Third Degree

"So," Minion said, sitting at the table as he watched the new kitten happily lapping up a saucer of Truth-Infused milk, "What did you mean you had to go straight back home when you're done?"

"I just need to take the blueprints back to my master," she mewed, oblivious to the effects the chemical was having on her, "Once I get them, I go. I'm not supposed to stay longer than I have to."

"Blueprints, huh?" Minion said in a conversational tone. The Truth Infuser was a powerful tool, but he still had to tread carefully. If she realized he was milking her for information, she might stop talking. "For what?"

"The Kill-Sat, and the Brainbots, and the Dehydrator if I can get my paws on them." The tabby paused to lick the milk off her face.

"Your master can't make his own stuff?" Minion asked, pouring her a little more.

"Oh, she's not going to _copy _them," the little furball scoffed, "She just needs to figure out good counter-measures. …I'm also supposed to observe Megamind and see what I can learn."

"She?" he prompted, hoping to get more information on this cat's so-called 'master'.

Instead, though, she just scoffed and laid her ears back, "Who says only _toms_ can be super-villains?"

"Well," Minion said, "All the female super villains I know don't _need _to steal plans." Which was true, as Minion didn't know any.

"Yeah, well, I like being alive," the little cat meowed, "So I'm gonna do what she tells me anyway. If she says she's a super-villain, I'm not about to argue with it."

"She sounds really smart," Minion replied, hoping a bit of flattery for her master might smooth the ruffled fur. Upsetting her wouldn't help things, "Is it anyone we know?"

"In passing probably," she replied, giving the fur on her belly a quick lick, "She challenged Metro Man once or twice while Megamind was in jail. …Neither time went well, but she escaped both times too."

"So no powers, just above average intellect?"

"I… I don't know."

"Really?"

The kitten's tail quivered, and she looked down, "Master doesn't talk to me much."

Feeling a twinge of sympathy, Minion carefully rubbed a metal finger along the kitty's cheek. She responded with a soft purr, narrowing her eyes to slits. "So," he asked, "Is she supposed to come get you?"

"I'm supposed to get back to _her,_" the tabby meowed, "Why should _she_ do the hard part? She's the Master." Given how small she was, Minion seriously doubted that the little creature would be able to travel very far on her own.

"Well," he replied, "You said you were supposed to stay and observe."

"Just until I find a few weaknesses, and I already noticed two!"

"_Already?_" he said, a bit startled, but tried to smooth it over, "Wow, you must be a very clever cat. What did you notice so far?"

"He likes little fuzzies, and he has a girlfriend." The cat flopped over on her side, grooming her belly with long loving licks, "I'm _really _glad he likes little fuzzies. That makes my life so much easier right now."

Minion reached out and carefully stroked the little spy's belly, getting a rumbling purr in return, "You know, you _could _just stay here. As long as you don't try to eat me." Not an ideal solution, but better than having her spying.

"But that would be disobeying Master!" she mewed, shaking like a leaf at the thought.

"It doesn't sound like your Master is a very good one, if you have to be afraid of her."

"How _dare _you!" spat the kitten, getting to her paws, "My master is better than any master who isn't my master! …Besides, you know what happens to bad henchmen!"

"No, what?"

"They get _baths__,_" she mewed, her voice a horrified whisper.

Minion just stared at her, "How is _water_ scary?"

She just looked at him with wide eyes, "I never said it was _water_. ….But I'm going to do this job _right, _so I won't get a bath."

Minion just looked at her, not sure how to respond to that. What on earth did her master do to the henchman that got a reaction like this from them? He had always obeyed Megamind because, well, it was his purpose. It hadn't occurred to him that maybe some villains ruled their creations with fear.

"I'm sorry, by the way," she meowed.

"For what?" he asked.

"Well, we're probably going to kill your master," she said, scratching her ear with a hind leg, "And I know you like him."

"I don't think that'll happen."

"Sure it will. My master is _very _evil, and yours is very new at being a hero."

"Well," Minion said with a nervous laugh, "Megamind is a pretty hard guy to get rid of."

"Is his girl?"

That sent a bit of a shiver through his fins, "Well, she's not new to being kidnapped over and over."

"Do you like her?"

"Well, she's nice and smart."

She looked at him curiously for a long moment, whiskers twitching. "Don't you get bored being a good guy now? I think I would get bored."

"There's still plenty for me to do," Minion said, relieved that she at least seemed to be considering switching sides, "You haven't met the Brainbots yet, and I'm sure he'll start forgetting to take care of you soon. To be fair, most of my job was to make sure stuff kept working and to occasionally kidnap Miss Ritchi. Now I get to-," he paused, realizing that she didn't seem to be listening to him anymore. Instead, the kitten was contemplating the empty saucer in front of her, eyes narrowed in the feline equivalent of a frown. Minion had no idea how long the Truth Infuser's effects worked. Were they wearing off?

The little tabby looked up at him, holding his gaze for a long moment. A very serious, troubled look graced her face, as she spoke in a low voice, "I ate all my milk. Can I have more? Or maybe some better noms than milk?"

He managed to not sigh in relief, "I guess a little more couldn't hurt."

"Thanks!" she chirped, rubbing her cheek against his arm in a friendly way, "I climbed up too high earlier, and had to glide down, so now I'm all hungry from having to grow and un-grow."

"Huh? Grow and un-grow?"

She paused, giving him a shifty look, "I'll show you if I can have some tuna or ham or chicken."

". . . Deal."

"Okay, put me up on top of the fridge and watch close. I'm only gonna it once!"

Minion followed her instructions, then watched in horrified fascination as her flesh began to warp and change before his eyes. Flaps of skin grew between her front and hindlegs, making her look something like an oversized flying squirrel. The… creature… hunkered down, then launched herself off the fridge, gliding over and landing on the table with an ungraceful THUMP. A moment later, she was shaking off the effects of whatever had just happened, the gliding flaps being re-absorbed to leave her looking like a normal cat once more. She looked back at him expectantly.

"H-how did you do that?" Minion stammered, not quite sure of what he just saw.

"You promised me chicken," she replied, as if that answered everything.

He rolled his eyes, but got her some meat out of the fridge like he promised. Soon she was greedily wolfing it down, tail swishing gently in contentment. "You know," she said, looking up at him and licking her nose, "I've spotted some weaknesses on you too."

"Oh?" he said, frowning a bit in concern.

"You're too nice, and you're a _fishy _in there."

"You promised you wouldn't eat me!"

"I'm not gonna. I have chicken!"

He rolled his eyes and watched her finish off her meal, then jump to the floor. "Anyway, I gotta go. I'll probably be back pretty soon, though!" She started to trot towards the exit, no doubt to go tell her no-good master what she'd discovered so far.

Minion reached over, easily picking her up with one hand. "I think you'd better stay here for now."

She responded by trying to bite him, then letting out a pained squeak as her fangs connected with metal. "OW!" She hissed at him in frustration, "Your hands are hard! How am I supposed to bite them if they're all hard!"

Minion rolled his eyes, "You're not supposed to bite hands, and they're made of metal."

"But I gotta go for a little bit! I promise I'll come right back in a few days!"

"A few _days?_"

"It's a long walk."

"To see your master, right? I think you should stay here."

The kitten gave him an exasperated look, "But I can't tell her all your secrets if I stay here!"

He swished side to side, as if shaking his head, "How is that supposed to convince me to let you go?"

The cat carefully considered this for a while, then tried to bite him again. He gave her a look, and said, "I can literally do this all day."

Another long pause as she considered him, before dropping her voice to a soft hiss, "Wanna know a secret?"

"What?" he said, leaning in close to humor the little thing.

"_**YEEEEEAAAAOOOOW!**_" she shrieked, right in his ear.

Minion let out a startled yelp and dropped her. The grey kitten bolted for the door, but he reacted quickly, extending his arm to grab her. "Nice try," he grumbled, head still ringing from the yowl. Thank goodness Megamind was a heavy sleeper, or he'd be down here demanding to know what was going on.

Quickly switching tactics, the kitten fixed him with a stare, took a deep breath, then held it.

He frowned, giving her a confused look, "…What are you doing now?" The tabby just shook her head at him, still holding her breath. Minion was a bit concerned, but he doubted she would hold out long enough to actually pass out. A few minutes later, though, and she slumped against his hand, unconscious. …Oddly enough, she changed in appearance once again. Instead of just looking like a normal kitten, Minion suddenly got the distinct impression of a few different ones stitched together-along with wing flaps sewn on for good measure. "Uh, little cat?" he said, leaning in to check to be sure she was breathing. She was.

After a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, the 'kitten' opened her eyes again, giving him a woozy look. A few seconds later she hid her patches and stitches and gliding flaps, once again looking like a normal kitten.

"Sorry," Minion said, actually feeling a little bad about all this.

"It's my _one job!_" she pleaded, "My one thing I'm supposed to do!"

"Yeah?" Minion replied, "What happens to you once you finish that 'one thing'?"

The tabby just looked at him silently. If she had an answer for that question, she wasn't giving him one. Heaving a sigh, Minion walked over and put her inside the cat-carrier Megamind had purchased earlier that day. He made sure it was securely locked, and then went to make sure all the Brainbots were on their chargers for the night.

He considered telling Megamind right now that the cat was a spy, but something stopped him. The alien fish wasn't sure how his master would respond to a threat like that, particularly since the kitten had hinted that they might go after Roxanne. …So long as he kept her contained, she couldn't report back. Besides, there was a lot he could learn from her if she cooperated; somehow Minion doubted that Megamind would have the subtlety required. With any luck, he'd have enough time to talk the "kitten" over to their side and get more information on this new "super villain".

For now, though, he needed sleep.


	3. Said Too Soon

Minion watched in silent amusement as the kitten thrashed around on the floor, as if she were in agony. She squirmed and writhed and wailed in one of the most pitiful displays he had ever seen.

"C-can't see…" she gasped, "Getting dark… n-no air…"

"Nice try," he said, rolling his eyes, "But we measured the collar. I know it's not choking you."

"But it's itchy!" she hissed back.

"And itchy, you can deal with."

"How come he doesn't make _you _wear a collar?"

"Because fish don't have necks."

"What if I get it caught on a fence and I _die? _What then?" the tabby hissed, her fur standing on end, "It'd be all your fault!"

"There aren't any fences in the lair, and you're not going outside."

She responded by collapsing into a melodramatic heap, tongue stuck out and all four legs in the air.

They'd had the kitten for about a week, and so far she hadn't made any serious attempts at trying to eat him, and the escape attempts had stopped entirely. No doubt her master would eventually come looking for her, but they had time to prepare for that. Minion just needed to get more information from her before he approached his master with it; but progress had been slow. The furball was impossibly distractible, and very unwilling to discuss her master at all.

He was about to attempt to open up the discussion again, but was stopped by the sound of his own master approaching.

"Ah! There you are!" Megamind said in a jovial tone, "Come along, Minion! I've got a mission I think you'll be interested in."

Minion perked up at that; so far he'd been left at home for many of Megamind's new heroics. "Oooh, what is it?"

"Someone keeps robbing pet stores," he replied, adjusting his cape, "Not the electronic collars or anything else fancy, though. They're actually taking the animals."

"Weird," Minion said, frowning a bit.

"Odd question, but you can't talk to other fish by any chance, can you? I'm about to go investigate a store where all the animals but the fish were stolen. Maybe they've seen something."

Minion considered this, "I… I have no idea, sir. I've never really tried to talk to other fish."

* * *

Minion squirmed a bit as he felt Megamind lifting him clear of his helmet. The sensation of dry air on his gills and slime coat was incredibly unpleasant. A few heartbeats later, though, and he was in the tank.

Between the sudden flurry of activity from small fish around him, the shock of temperature and water-quality change, and the haze of pheromonal and electrical information from the other fish in the tank, Minion was momentarily stunned. The water change is what hit him the hardest; the soft, slightly acidic fresh water of his helmet was much, much warmer than the hard, brackish water he found himself in now.

THUNK THUNK THUNK. A booming noise in his head, and waves of shock against his lateral lines, making it even harder to clear his head. The distress signals of the other fish whirled around him in a nauseating haze of stress-pheromones and motion.

"Minion? Are you alright?" Megamind said, tapping the glass again.

"S-sir," Minion stammered, turning to look at his friend, "We've talked about tapping the glass."

"Oh, sorry," Megamind replied, giving him a sheepish look, "Well, I'm going to have a look around the rest of the store to see if I can find anything of use." He walked off, leaving Minion to his task.

Taking a deep breath through his gills to clear his mind, Minion slowly adjusted to his surroundings. His companions in the tank were small fish; much smaller than himself, with bold black stripes that ran from nose to tail. They seemed to exist in a state of perpetual motion, the little electrical flickers of communication bouncing back and forth between them as the school curled and careened around the tank. Try as he might, Minion couldn't seem to hold a single one in his sights for more than half a second before the frantic motion of the school swallowed it up again.

Their constant motion was disorienting, but he could deal with it. Flattening his fins to appear a bit smaller, he approached the school, only to have it open up in front of him in a mad rush of stripes and motion and fear. They swirled around him, and in a heartbeat he was staring at an empty corner of tank with the school behind him. He turned and approached again, only to be rushed and baffled once again by the terrified minnows.

After about six such exercises Minion broke off the chase, quietly trying to figure out what to do now. He hung back, trying to be non-threatening as he observed his striped tankmates. Their 'chatter', although silent to human ears, was deafening to him. He could pick up on the fog of their communication, taste the pheromones and detect the little flickers of current thrown off by their bodies along his lateral line. Little by little, he started to snatch tiny bits of the conversation between them. Comments on pH, breeding status, dominance, feeding times, general health, that huge predator in their tank, all swirled together in a chemical cacophony.

He watched, and he listened, and he understood. But slowly it dawned on Minion that he did not know how to speak so that they would understand him. His heart sank.

* * *

"Don't worry about it," Megamind said as they got home, "I don't blame you for the fish not having seen anything. It's not surprising that they don't pay much attention to the world outside the water."

His friend nodded, but still seemed rather depressed over the whole thing. Megamind couldn't imagine why. Perhaps the other fish had been mean to him? Despite Minion's fangs, he was a real softy at heart. He handed his cloak to Minion to hang up, watching quietly as the fish headed over to his wardrobe.

Megamind went to walk to the panty, but paused as he stepped on something on the floor. "Well, that didn't take her long," Megamind said with a laugh, picking up the empty collar, "I'll bet she had it back off within five minutes of us leaving the door. Here kitty kitty kitty! Here cat!" No answer, no cute little fluffball running over to sit at his feet. "Minion, have you seen-?"

"Sir!" Minion shouted with alarm, his voice coming from over by the planning wall, "We've got a problem!"

"Yes?" he replied, stooping to look under the couch to see if she was hiding there, "What is it?"

"Someone broke into the lab and stole some of our- your blueprints!"

_That _got Megamind's attention. He quickly righted himself and went to check the security sensors, "Which ones were taken?"

"I… I didn't check," Minion said, his face a mask of guilt and worry. What on earth had gotten in to him? Megamind just scanned the security panel, a scowl on his face. The cameras hadn't detected anything-they were unplugged, again. Annoying, but not surprising; the kitten had taken to napping back there, and she inadvertently unplugged them all the time.

Still, the DNA sensors were functioning perfectly, and according to the readout the only ones who had entered the lair in the past month were Minion, Roxanne, the cat, and Megamind himself. Strange.

"I _knew _I shouldn't have let you keep that cat!" Minion said, flicking his fins in agitation.

Megamind couldn't help but shake his head in disbelief at his friend. He knew Minion was phobic about cats, but come _on. _"You're not suggesting the _cat _stole the blueprints?"

"I'm saying a talking stitched-together cat stole the blueprints! Somebody sent her here to spy on us!"

Great. Just great. The pet store must have been treating their water with something that made Minion delusional. That kitten was roughly the size of a cheeseburger and, from what Megamind had gathered from watching her, about half as smart as one. Still, he wasn't going to confront Minion on these points now. The fish was clearly distressed, and arguing would only make him more agitated, "We'll find her, Minion."

"First those other fish were of no help, then this!"

"Calm yourself," Megamind said, patting the furry shoulder of Minion's suit, "I'm going to go speak with Roxanne. She may have some ideas on what we can do from here."

* * *

"Hey," Roxanne said with a smile, letting him in, "This is a nice surprise."

"Unfortunately, it's work related. Still no leads on the nut that's been stealing from petstores. And now it turns out you're not the only person to have ever successfully broken into my lair."

"Well," she said, shutting the door behind him, "It wasn't exactly _hard._"

"My censors didn't even detect an intruder at all. Minion's theory is that the _cat _did it, as she's missing along with the blueprints."

"Really?" Roxanne said, giving him a half-amused look.

"Yeah. He claimed she could talk, though I've never heard her do anything but yowl. He also called her 'stitched together', whatever that means."

"Like Frankenstein's monster?"

"I don't know. He didn't ella-bore-ate."

"Elaborate," she corrected.

"Unfortunately, whoever it is now has the details on the design of my Solar Beam and Brainbots."

Roxanne, meanwhile, had gotten a very concerned look on her face, "Do you think it's the same person as the pet store thief?"

"Could be, but that begs the question of _why,_" he replied, "What use could anyone _possibly _have for forty hamsters and a solar beam?"

"Maybe they're only using parts of the hamsters."

"_Ew,_" he responded, making a face, "Perhaps… perhaps they're feeding something? I occasionally buy those feeder-shrimp for Minion."

"Let's hope so," Roxanne replied.

He had to frown a bit at that; what was she getting at? "Well, I _really _hope they're not feeding the stolen puppies and kittens to anything."

"That might be the better option."

"The '_better option'_? Roxanne, what on earth are you talking ab-"

"Trust me," she said, getting up and walking into the kitchen area, "You don't _want _to know."

"Well, considering I need to stop whatever it is, I _kinda _do." This was absurd. How could Roxanne know what was going on if he didn't? And why hadn't she told him everything from the start? He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest, giving her a look. "My only other option is going into this situation blind."

"Alright," she sighed, "I don't really know much, but there was this person Metro Man fought a few times called 'The Tailor'."

"That name is vaguely familiar."

"We only ran one or two stories on her, then for some reason a gag order was made. _Nobody _was allowed to report on her. I figured she'd been captured, and Metro Man just didn't feel like gloating about it or something."

"So what, exactly, did this 'Tailor' do?"

Roxanne shook her head, "I don't know many details. It was covered up too quickly. Wayne might, though."

"I'll have to talk to him then," Megamind replied, turning to go.

"Wait," she said, stopping him in his tracks, "Do you have to take off already? This is the first I've seen of you in a week."

"Well," he said, giving her a devilish smirk, "I suppose I could stay a while."

Returning the smirk, she walked over and kissed him deeply, a kiss he gladly returned. However, he immediately found himself struck with the problem of what to do with his hands. He couldn't just leave them dangling; she might think he wasn't interested. Perhaps he could rest them on her hips? No, no, that would be much to forward-she might take it as an inappropriate advance. Maybe her shoulders? No, she might think he was about to push her away. In the meanwhile, while he was trying to decide what to do, he had pressed his hands against the wall behind him in panic, palms flat against the cool surface.

Mercifully, she broke the kiss off a few moments later, making his internal debate a null point.

"You've never been in a relationship before, have you?"

"Of-of course I have!" he stammered, lying to protect his ego, "You of all people should know that ladies absolutely adore the 'tall dark and handsome' thing!"

"Really? What about blue, bald, and evil?" she said with a smirk. That stung, though he tried not to show it. He must not have done a very good job of concealing it, though, as her gaze immediately softened, "Hey, it's okay. I was just kidding. …And I find it kind of adorable that I'm your first girlfriend."

He felt the blood rushing to his face, and knew his cheeks must be violet in embarrassment by now, "Well, considering that they contain female criminals elsewhere, I didn't exactly have many opportunities to-"

She cut him off with another kiss, pulling him close. Once again the "hands" debate broke out again in his mind. He settled it by lightly wrapping his arms around her, holding her close. In his mind, nothing could ever be more perfect then that embrace; feeling her warmth and weight against him, scenting her perfume, sensing her heartbeat through his palms.

He broke off the kiss, nuzzling her cheek gently, then whispered in her ear, "I love you."

Roxanne startled a bit at that, withdrawing ever so slightly and giving him a speechless look. All at once his little bubble of confidence burst; he'd said something wrong, hadn't he? "Is… is that okay?" he asked meekly.

Roxanne carefully extracted herself from his grasp, "Well, uh… it just seems kind of soon."

"S-sorry," he stammered, feeling like ten kinds of idiot and all of them at once. He felt behind him for the doorknob to the apartment. "I um… a-anyway, I should probably get back to.. to trying to figure out what the.. the Tailor? Is up to."

"Megamind, wait, I didn't mean-"

But he had already vanished out the door, and was making his way down the stairs. He heaved a sigh, and went off to seek out 'Music Man'.


	4. The Offer

The little tabby yawned as she waited, looking right up at the security camera pointed at her. She had unplugged them when she left, but she was positive that they would have been plugged back in by now. Soon enough, either Minion or Megamind would see her and come out to get her. She licked the fur on her chest a few times, trying to calm her nerves. The new job she had was a lot tougher than stealing the plans, and if something went wrong her master would be _very _angry…

Just then, she heard the tell-tale hum of the door portal, and Minion stepped outside, walking towards her cautiously. She purred and arched her back, kneading the ground in front of her with her forepaws, "Hello!"

"How did you get out?" he asked, edging his way closer.

"Talent," she purred, scampering farther away and swishing her tail, trying to entice him to chase after her.

"Megamind is _really _worried about you."

"Why?" she asked, darting up a tree as effortlessly as a squirrel, and perching on a branch so she could look down at him.

"Well, you were missing." Minion extended his arm up to grab her, but she lept from the branch at the last second, gliding about 30 feet away before landing. With a satisfied look, the tabby curled her tail around her legs and waited for him to catch up.

Minion, however, was not taking the bait. He stood where he was, frowning at her a little. Time to amp up the cute. With a little purr, she chased her tail in a circle. "Follow me?

"Why?"

"You'll see!"

"I don't trust you."

"You won't be hurt," she trilled, tail quivering, "I promise. Master just wants to talk."

"No thank you," he replied coolly, not moving a step closer.

"Please?" she mewed, laying her ears back in fear.

"I'm _pretty _sure I don't want to meet your master."

By now, the little tabby was shaking like a leaf, "Please? You can bring a weapon if you'd like! Just please come? Please?"

He let out a sigh, "Alright."

* * *

Minion followed the little kitten-creature, well in to his second thoughts. He was already considering turning around and going back, but he couldn't shake the feeling that things would end very badly for the stupid cat if he did. He didn't have long to contemplate it, however. The kitten's "master" was waiting in a nearby alley.

The master was a small-framed woman, littler than even Roxanne. She wore a hood to obscure her face and an old stained labcoat, and under her arm she had a file folder tucked. Hardly an intimidating specimen, but Minion knew better than anyone that looks could be deceiving.

"Hello, Minion," she said in a cloyingly sweet tone, "I was wondering what was taking you so long."

"Your cat said you wanted to talk," he replied, looking at her in suspicion.

"I do. However, first, I believe I have something of yours," she held out the little file folder, "You'll find all of Megamind's missing blueprints in there, undamaged."

"So that _was _her."

"Mhmm. Flapcat here is my 'minion', you could say," she replied, gesturing to the cringing little feline sitting at her feet. Minion could not recall ever having seen an animal look more miserable or frightened.

He reached out and took the folder from her, "And you're just _giving_ these back?"

"Of course. Just because I'm interested in another villain's ideas doesn't mean I intend to _copy _them."

"_Technically _he's not- I suppose that's besides the point. If you're not going to use them, why take them?"

"You're right, he's not a villain anymore," she replied, ignoring his question, "…Which is just as well, really, he wasn't much good at it. You, however, are a different story. After all, despite him always pinning the blame on you, you've seemed to me to be a perfectly competent henchman."

"Get to the point," Minion said coldly. The sooner he was back in the lair, the better.

"I'm making you a job offer. Where you are now, your considerable talent is going to waste."

"Wait, _what?_" he replied, looking a little shocked.

"You liked being an evil minion, and let's face it, Megamind seems to be doing quite well on his own without using you as a sidekick. …In fact, from what I can tell, he's been relying on that perky reporter to fill the role you once played for him."

The fish was still reeling in shock, "You want me to _leave _him?"

"Well, technically, I'd have no issue with you working for me and living there, but that could present a slight conflict of interests on your part. That aside, he's all grown up now."

"But… we've _always _been together…"

"I know. If you take my offer, it would be a.. a big adjustment for you. And I give you my word as a villain that I would never force you to directly bring him any harm."

This was a lot to take in. Whatever Minion had expected when he walked up, it certainly wasn't a job offer. There was no way he could leave Megamind. Still, he didn't want to be rude. "I… I need time to think about it."

"Of course," the master responded with a respectful dip of her head, "I wouldn't dream of rushing you into such a big decision. You need time to consider the consequences of your decision. I'll allow you to keep the flapcat for a bit longer. When you've made your decision, just tell her and she will find her way back to me. Won't you, sweetheart?"

"Y-yes master," mewed the trembling kitten. She scampered over to Minion, body so low her tail was dragging along the ground. Frowning a bit, he reached down and scooped her up.

"Oh, and minion?" the villainess said.

"Yes?"

"I do ask that you show a bit of.. discretion.. about our meeting. The hero really doesn't need to know."

"Yeah. Of course."

Feeling sick to his stomach, Minion turned and headed back home.

* * *

Megamind sat down on the plush white couch, feeling very out of place in Wayne's hideout-slash-shrine. He had been welcomed in quickly enough, but he doubted that he was going to get much help from "Metro Man", but it was worth a shot.

"So, little buddy," Wayne said, setting a glass of water down on the coffee table in front of Megamind before taking a seat across from him, "Didn't expect you to visit. I figured you were still pissed off about the Titan mess."

"Yeah, hi," Megamind replied, feeling awkward, "I hate to interrupt your musical.. uh.. experimentation, but Roxanne suggested that I talk to you about my latest 'case'."

"She did?" he replied, perking up a bit. Something about that made Megamind feel hot under the collar, though he couldn't put his finger on why.

"Yes. What can you tell me about 'The Tailor'."

"No."

For a fraction of a second, Megamind thought he saw a flicker of genuine fear cross his old friend's features; but it was a fleeting expression, quickly masked. "…'No'?"

"Drop it. Don't get involved."

"…You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not," the ex-hero replied, fixing Megamind with a hard look, "You need to stay the hell away from The Tailor."

"I don't even know who he _is, _aside from being the guy stealing pets for no apparent reason."

"Good. The less you know, the better."

Megamind shot him an annoyed look. This was beyond infuriating; it shouldn't be half this difficult to get information from people who were supposed to be on _his _side. "So you're not going to tell me anything either?"

"You don't need to know anything about her because you're _not going to deal with her._"

Megamind was shocked, "If you're implying that I should just look the other way-"

"I'm not implying anything. I'm telling you to."

"Well, I don't _answer _to you, Wayne," he replied, an edge to his voice, "And I don't exactly have a choice in this matter."

"Yeah, you do. You can choose to _stay alive_."

Megamind got to his feet, enjoying the momentary sensation of being able to look down at his old nemesis, "I'm the city's protector. I _have _to deal with this, or I-"

"_She will kill you._" Wayne cut him off, "How hard is that for you to understand?"

"Well, what would you _suggest_ I do, then?" Megamind responded, his tone icy, "Just go back to prison?"

"I'm sure there are other things going on that need your attention. Go stop muggers and bank robbers. You won't win this one."

"Alright, you of all people should know how little the words 'no chance of winning' means to me."

Wayne just shook his head, "This is _different._"

"If I don't deal with the case, I either go back to jail, or I'm a fugitive again," Megamind said, his voice creeping louder, "And I'm _tired_ of being the bad guy! I'm going to face this Tailor, and it would be nice if you would tell me what you know so I'm not walking into it blind!"

The ex-hero regarded him in silence for a long moment before speaking. "You'll need an invisible personal force field. A really good one. If she thinks she can't possibly pierce your skin, she'll back off and leave you alone."

Megamind nodded. That was a start. "Invisibility I've already mastered, but I'm sure a force field won't be too hard to manage."

"I mean it," Wayne continued, "You'll be a lot safer if you've got _some _degree of invulnerability, but she _can't _realize it's just coming from a machine."

"What is her _deal, _anyway?" Megamind inquired, "Am I fighting a mutant or an angry scientist or cthulu or what? What am I up against that's got you so worked up?"

"She likes making… _things _out of animals."

"Strictly speaking, so do I," Megamind replied, gesturing to his custom baby seal leather boots.

"No, this is different."

"How is it that this 'big bad' never made the news?"

"I convinced the media and papers not to report on it," he replied, "And Metro Man got pretty much anything he asked for. …Besides, the Tailor wasn't nearly as showy as you were."

"Well," Megamind replied, "If you're gonna go, go big." That got a bit of a chuckle in response. "Well, thank you for your help. I should be getting back to see if Minion's found anything."

* * *

A little bit later, Megamind entered the lair, looking rather dejected. Watching him enter, Minion was very torn about what to tell him and how much. How much had he managed to find out on his own? What should he do? The fact that the kitten kept staring at him with those wide, pleading blue eyes wasn't making things any easier.

"Um, sir?"

"Yes, Minion?" Megamind replied, turning to look at him.

"I.. uh… I have some good news! I found the plans, _and _the kitten!"

"Excellent! Where were they?"

"They… were under some equipment!" he gave a nervous chuckle, "Looks like we were all worried over nothing."

"Well, that's one disaster averted, I suppose." Megamind stooped to scoop up the little tabby, rubbing her affectionately behind the ears. She responded with a throaty purr, "Well, I ended up paying 'Music Man' a visit. His advice was to run and hide."

"Really?"

"Yes," Megamind gave a slight smirk, "You'd think by now, he'd know me better than that." Minion let out a nervous laugh, and his master immediately fixed him with a concerned look. "Are you alright, Minion?"

"Of course, sir! Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Megamind regarded him for a long moment, then handed the kitten back and started to walk deeper into the lair. "Well, if you need me, I'll be at my planning wall. I was advised to work on some sort of invulnerability."

The kitten squirmed a bit in Minion's grasp, but he did not release her. The last thing he wanted was for her to relay all the information about Megamind's new invulnerability gadget to her master. He waited until he was certain that his old friend was out of earshot before looking down at the kitten.

"I have to tell him."

"Tell him what?" she mewed, giving him a confused look.

"That I met your master, th-that she tried to recruit me!"

"Why?"

"I can't keep lying like this!"

She frowned a little, as though if Minion were a particularly difficult puzzle, "It's not hurting anyone."

"I… I guess…." Minion said, though he wasn't sure if he agreed with her.

"Besides, my master knows the rules anyway. She's not dumb like Titan was."

"Okay."

"And I-" the tabby froze in mid-word, looking at something behind Minion's shoulder with _huge _pupils. A bit alarmed, he turned around in his helmet to see what she was looking at. False alarm. A hovering moth drifted behind him for a bit, before flitting off. With that, the kitten snapped out of it. "…What were we talking about?"

"…Nothing, Kitten. Why don't you go play with your toys?"

"Okay!"

He set her down, and watched her scamper off towards her "toy basket". With a troubled sigh, the fish headed over to the pantry to see about making dinner.

Unseen, a little kitten-construct snuck back over to watch Megamind's planning table.


	5. Rust

The flapcat slunk back into the lair, squeezing through the crack in the wall with a wince. Her tail was sopping wet and uncomfortable, and it took all the willpower she had not to lick it dry. She had specific instructions from the master _not _to groom it, but it was driving her crazy.

Deciding maybe a lick or two wouldn't hurt, she paused and turned, but the nasty chemical smell of the fluid soaking it changed her mind as always. She didn't know what the master kept dousing it in, but the wretched stink of it was always enough to turn her stomach. Oh well, it'd be clean soon enough.

Moving as if her paws carried no weight, the little tabby approached the sleeping Minion, scaling him with ease. The furry bits of his armor made for great clawholds. Now for the delicate part. One paw at a time, she carefully eased her weight on to the helmet of the suit. If she moved too quickly, he'd sense the shockwaves through the water and wake up.

Once she was in place, the kitten trailed her tail in the water. Minion stirred at the ripples, and her breath caught, but after a moment he settled back into a deep sleep. The cat sat perched like that for a long while, cleaning the chemicals off of her tail as she had done nearly every night since Megamind had found her. She didn't know the details, and she knew better than to ask.

* * *

Nothing. Two full weeks of effort had gone by since his meeting with Wayne, and Megamind had literally _nothing_ to show for it. The Tailor had managed to clean out almost every pet store in the city; those that remained had only been spared because Megamind had posted swarms of Brainbots to protect them. Even that hadn't been a flawless arrangement; he had to deal with a very angry store owner when a Brainbot "caught" a rather expensive parrot that had gotten out of its cage.

He poured over his notes, scanning for anything that might help him track her. No, nothing he hadn't already considered a hundred times. Objectively, the glorious chase was _much _less fun from this side of it. Ahh, to be the hunted again. How he missed the days when he could just challenge his opponent, and get a fight on demand! No luck now, though. He had issued just such a public challenge a few days ago, and thus far had not gotten even a hint of an answer. Wherever this Tailor was, she was silent. And probably laughing at him.

He kicked away from his desk, just letting the wheels roll. Perhaps he should send Brainbots out to scout? But covering the entire city would take weeks, and the citizenry would likely not appreciate having their privacy violated over a few missing dogs and cats.

Megamind's stomach growled, snapping him out of his thoughts. Hadn't he sent Minion to make lunch about an hour ago? No matter, he supposed he could get it himself. It would give him some more space to think, at least. With a heavy sigh, he got to his feet and walked towards the pantry. …What to do about Minion? He had been… not disobeying orders, exactly, but forgetting them entirely. The fish had become despondent and easily confused, and any lengthy conversation seemed to make him nervous.

Megamind pulled out the supplies for peanut butter and jelly, and started to make himself a sandwich. He had read somewhere that fish don't handle stress well, but the switch from villain to hero hadn't been _that _big an adjustment had it? Or perhaps it was a social thing. After all, Megamind had been spending quite a bit of time around Roxanne recently, which meant less time for Minion.

Yes, he would have to come up with something special for him! That ought to snap Minion out of the funk he'd gotten himself into. With a smile, he sat down to eat his lunch. He would need to plan it without Minion finding out what he was up to, but that should be easy enough to manage.

* * *

"It's not so bad!" the kitten mewed, looking up at Minion, "My master never tells me what she's planning either."

Minion looked down at her, debating on whether or not to try to explain why being banished from Megamind's planning area was a big deal. Or even if he _could_ explain it. He ached from his tendrils down to his tail-fin with just an overall "feel-bad" sensation, and his thoughts felt muddy and thick.

What had he done wrong? Well, the obvious, keeping secrets, but there's no way Megamind could know about that. Could he? Minion had just been trying to keep unimportant things from bothering him while he hunted the Tailor.

It occurred to him that the little ball of fur was still talking, chattering on obliviously as she scooted a paperclip across the floor with her forepaws, "…and I like birds and mice and fishies."

"Hey, _I'm _a 'fishie'," he said, figuring she was talking about things she'd like to eat. 90% of conversations with the flapcat revolved around food and finding warm places to sleep. On rare occasions, she would talk about Scary Things like grasshoppers and vacuum cleaners. Not the deepest conversations, but with how he'd been feeling recently, Minion had a much easier time keeping up with her than Megamind.

"You talk. That makes you a people, not a fishy."

"Uh… thanks?" he replied, trying to remember the track of conversation that led to that.

"Well, you don't like most kitties, but you like me," she said brightly, turning from the paperclip to stare at him with those big blue eyes.

"To be fair, I don't actually _know _any other kitties."

She yawned widely, licked a paw, then dragged it over her ear, "Our master has a few others. Not all of them are like me, though. She turned a few of them into landsharks! I wish I were a landshark?"

"A… a what?"

"They're big and strong and stuff! You'll see one when it's time for us to go!"

"Go where?" he didn't remember Megamind saying anything about leaving.

"When we go back home."

"But… we're already in the evil lair. We are home."

"No, no no," she said, "You're confused." That much he wouldn't argue with. "We're in the _hero's _place," she continued, padding over to look at a sleeping Brainbot, "the Evil Lair is somewhere completely different." In the blue light reflected off the device, her seams stood out faintly. Minion doubted he would have noticed them if he hadn't already known they were there, "Besides, when I go I'll need you to carry my toys since I don't have thumbs and it would be wasteful to leave the toys here where there is no kitty to play with them and I know you don't like to be wasteful, right?"

"Oh, right," he said, _supposing _that made sense.

"Are you gonna answer me or not?" she said, looking up at him impatiently.

"What?"

"The blue one or the red one, like I just asked you," she meowed, rolling her eyes.

Huh? Blue or red what? He didn't recall her asking him anything. "L-look," he murmured, "I.. I'm going to go get some sleep, okay? I'm feeling kind of fuzzy."

"You're not fuzzy," she said, giving him the look of pity that most people reserve for the mentally handicapped, "You're a _fishy_."

He shook his head, and got up to walk off.

"Be careful!" she called after him, "And bring me one too!"

_What?_ Ugh, if only the fog would clear so things would make sense again.

* * *

The next thing he knew, he was following her along a dark road; a _gravel _road. His feet slipped along the unsteady terrain, causing the support fluid in the suit to slosh and the waves to hit his lateral lines in a way that was truly disorienting. Speaking of which, what had happened to the support fluid? His helmet was, at best, half full.

The tabby scampered along ahead of him, occasionally climbing one of the trees that lined the road to glide ahead, "Just a bit further!" she mewed happily, "We're almost there, don't worry!"

_Almost where? _"Kitten, where are we-?"

She whirled on him, giving him an alarmed, accusing look, "We can't turn back now! You promised!"

"I… I did?"

"Besides, we're almost there, and your tank is leaking anyway. You don't have time to walk back."

He couldn't exactly argue with that one; he didn't even know how far 'back' was, and she was already gliding ahead of him again.

Soon, they were walking into a large compound; it was a rather large building, and outside there were many, many steel-and-chainlink compartments that looked to be huge livestock pens of some sort. No animals were there now, though; the whole place had a rusted, neglected look to it that suggested it had stood empty for some time. He was about to try to ask again what was going on, but a guttural growl from near the entrance sent her climbing him.

Out of the shadows stepped a lumbering creature that looked like it was probably once a huge dog. Or a couple medium-sized dogs; it was hard to say. Large portions of its pelt had been cut away, and replaced with thick swatches of alligator hide. It opened it's mouth and growled again, revealing row after row of serrated shark teeth.

"H-hi landshark!" Kitten mewed, tail quivering, "This is the new guy!" She turned to Minion, dropping her voice to a hiss, "Tell him you're the new guy!"

"Y-yeah… I'm Minion" he stammered, staring at the 'landshark' in horror. A thick rope of drool hung from the creature's mouth as it considered them, before giving a short nod of its head and stepping aside to let them in.

Inside, the building was poorly lit, but Minion could make out conveyor belts and metallic hooks hanging from the ceilings. Like the fences outside, they were covered in rust.

He _hoped_ it was rust.


	6. Little Lab Of Horrors

Roxanne was startled awake by a pounding at her door. Only half awake, she got up and trudged over, checking through the peephole to see who it was. Megamind. Who else at this hour? She really had to talk to him about appropriate times to show up at the apartment. With a sigh, she unlocked the door to let him in.

"Megamind, I-"

"I'm sorry, I know it's late, but Minion's been taken and I don't know what to do and you know more about kidnapping situations than anyone I know!"

What? Minion's suit weighed half a ton. "Are you sure?"

"What do you mean I am I _sure," _he snapped, "he's gone and there was a note! The Tailor's taken him!"

_Probably to answer that idiotic challenge you gave, _Roxanne though. Instead, she just said, "Okay, okay, just… calm down."

"What do we do?"

"Well, did the note say what she wanted?"

"No, it didn't make any demands at all! Just said to wait for further instructions. And it was _stapled _to my _cat! _Seriously, who _does _that!" he heaved a sigh, rubbing his forehead, "I just don't know what to do anymore. Being the villain was a _lot _easier than this hero business."

"Right now, it looks like all we can do is wait," she said, resting her hand on his.

"At least when _I _kidnap someone, I have the decency to follow up with a phone call within an hour or so!"

Roxanne hesitated, "Well, if she does call, you should probably be there to answer. …Would you like me to go back to the lair with you?"

"No" Megamind said decisively, getting his nerves together, "No, you should stay here. I can handle this."

"Be careful."

"I will. …I'm sorry for bothering you so late."

"It's okay," she replied, giving him a peck on the cheek, "Minion's missing, that's definitely important enough to wake me for."

Roxanne bit her lip as she watched him leave.

* * *

Minion was dozing contentedly in his suit; the leak had been repaired, though he didn't remember how or by who. His head still had that dull ache to it, though his thoughts had cleared some since… since what? He didn't know. It was easier to sleep, anyway. He felt as if he could sleep all day.

"Minion!" that jolted him awake. The voice had crackled through the intercom. He vaguely hated the intercom, though he couldn't remember why.

"Y-yes Miss?" he murmured, trying to remember how to get his suit to stand.

"Come down to the lab, please. I want to show you something."

With shuffling footsteps he headed down into the subterranean lab; built underneath the old slaughterhouse to conceal it from curious onlookers. Not that anyone would get past the two dozen or so landsharks that patrolled the top level. He took a deep breath to steady himself, and headed down the stairs.

The lab was easily the most ghastly place he had ever seen, full of half-finished creatures, vats of who knows what, and the most horrendous smell he had ever encountered. Most every workspace down here was covered in gore, and cage after cage after cage of unfortunate subjects lined the walls. …he was certain he heard the hum of fishtank filters from deeper within, though he'd never ventured past the front room. Nor did he want to. This 'biological' sort of evil science was a lot messier than the mechanical stuff that he was used to back… back home. _Home_.

"Where is-?" he started.

"I tried my hand at making a Brainbot," the Tailor said, cutting him off and gesturing him over to the worktable. As always, her face was concealed. "You know a lot more about them than I do, so I wanted to know what you thought."

He considered the rough approximation in front of him, sizing it up. For a first attempt at imitating brilliance, it wasn't too shabby, "You did well, Miss."

"Thanks. A lot of my creations are skittish around stuff they've never seen before, so I figured it couldn't hurt to make a few just so they don't panic when they first come into contact with-" the Brainbot clamped down on her hand, biting deep, "_sonofabitchbastard!"_

"Bad Brainbot! Bad!" Minion shouted, gently trying to pry it free. It released it's grip, setting docilely in his hands.

"Apparently I didn't make it as accurately as I had hoped."

"No, the ones back home do that too."

The villainess looked at him askance, as if he'd said something wrong, then turned her attention back to the new Brainbot, "Charming. …You know, these things would probably make a good test for Flapcats. I've never seen how they fare in a fight."

"…What?"

"Oh, nothing, never mind. Do you know how to build Brainbots, Minion?"

"Yes…"

"Then be a dear and build me a few more of them, would you?"

"I don-"

"Excellent. I need to work on putting Snitter's jaw back on before he starves to death," she said, motioning to a squirming landshark that had been restrained on a nearby table, "So I'm a bit stretched for time."

"Y-yes Miss," he replied, trying to remember what he was agreeing to. _Bowg bowg._ Oh, right.

* * *

Minion was roughly awakened by someone tapping frantically on his helmet. He opened his eyes with a groan to see the little grey tabby beating on it frantically with her forepaws.

"Wake up fishy!" she hissed, fur standing on end, "What are the Brainbots for? I counted three in a cage and one was out of the cage and it barked at me!"

"I don't know," he mumbled, yawning, "I made them just like the ones back home."

"Back h-? Oh, you mean with the hero," she rubbed her cheek against the dome in a friendly gesture, making her face looked all smooshed, "That's not really home anymore. You shouldn't say that or she might get mad and give you a bath."

"Bath? I'm a _fish_."

"Wanna know a secret?" she mewed, dropping her voice to a whisper.

Minion gave her a suspicious look. His mind might be a muddy haze right now, but he clearly remembered 'secrets' not ending well.

"I'm scared of the landsharks," she said, laying her ears back. It made her look rather helpless.

"Me too," Minion said, rubbing her behind the ears in a reassuring way.

"…She made a _lot _of mice and hamsters with gecko-feets on them. Do you know why?"

"No."

"Me neither," with that, the kitten gave a wide yawn, and curled up on his shoulder to go to sleep.

* * *

A few days later, the Tailor was in the midst of "improving" a tiger she had managed to acquire. Powerful specimens like this were difficult to come by, so it was important that her work be precise. It'd be a pity to just have it die on the table; she'd had too many of those recently.

"Miss? I thought you were just making sure your creations were used to being around the Brainbots." She glanced over her shoulder. Minion. The hell was going on? He shouldn't still have that level of clarity.

"Hm? I was. Why do you ask?"

"I found one with blood all over its _jaws,_" he replied, sounding worried.

Oh fucking hell, how to make him go away and not meddle. "It's probably just gotten into something," she replied in a sweet tone, "I've got enough containers of spare parts around here that it's not surprising."'

"…I guess…"

"Now let me be," she said smoothly, "I'm working under a tight deadline."

He turned and started to trudge back up the stairs, and she watched him with eyes narrowed. He'd probably just missed a dose, that's all. Flapcats weren't the most reliable of creatures.

The Tailor wiped her hands on her apron, leaving raw red streaks where her fingers touched. Fascinating creature, really. So much smarter than any animal had right to be, and yet so easy to predict. Her eyes flicked to the little bio-luminescent tendril floating in a vial on her shelf. She'd clipped it his first day here, and if he had noticed it missing, he hadn't said anything.

Endless possibility, that. So much to be curious about, and only one fish. Well, for now, at least. If the gene therapies and chemical treatments she had been lavishing on the landsharks worked, soon she would have second-generation pups. Zhyzak was due any day. The pups would either be Dobermans, or landsharks. Either way, she'd have her answer soon enough.

The tiger let out a pained growl, and strained against the chains holding it. Right, the task at hand. Minion was fascinating, but ultimately unimportant. She had bigger fish to fry.

Now, what had she done with that scalpel…?


	7. The Junkyard

Minion stared down at the shattered Brainbot in his hand, trying to remember what was going on. It.. it looked as if some great force had crushed it. The bot shuddered for a moment, trying to look at him, and he realized that its eye was wedged between two of his fingers. Had _he _destroyed it? Why would he have done that? With another great shudder, the Brainbot went still. As the lights on it dimmed, though, a faint mew from his feet caused him to look down.

The grey tabby flapcat was laying at his feet in a bloody mess; one of her hindlegs had been mangled nearly beyond recognition, one of her flaps had been reduced to a mess of gory ribbons, and a good swath of skin and flesh had been torn from her face, revealing the white bone underneath. "K-kitten…?"

The tiny creature mewed at him again, then shut her eyes. "Izzit bad?"

" Oh...not too bad," he replied, not wanting to scare her. Trying his best to be gentle, he scooped her up, holding her delicately in one palm, "Come on, let's get you some help."

Cradling the kitten, he took a deep breath and made his way down to the labs. Unsurprisingly, the Tailor was working on… something. He had no idea what; this time she'd slit one of the Landsharks open along the belly, and was up to her elbows in gore. He didn't ask why, though. However, sluggish as his mind was, he'd learned rather quickly that the Tailor did not approve of questions.

"Excuse me, Miss?"

"What is it, Minion? I'm in the middle of something here."

"I-It's Kitten. She's hurt _really _bad."

The Tailor didn't look up from her digging, "Who the hell is Kitten?"

"Kitten, the uh… "flapcat" you sent to spy on us."

Her eyes flickered up to him, then back to her work. Suddenly, her tone had changed from rough to cloying again, "Oh, the little grey one? Weird temperament on her. Don't worry, after the fight I'll make you a new one that's just as cute. Any color you'd like."

"Ex-excuse me?" There's no way Minion had heard that right. The bundle of fur in his hands let out a soft whimper.

"I'll make you a new one later, just _please _let me get to work. I only have a few days before I face the hero."

"But _she's _hurt _now!_" He knew better than to shout, but this was _important _and she wasn't listening to him.

"I can make you another one that's just as cute."

"But that would be a _different _one."

"Oh, please. She's just a minion. Who cares?"

He stared at her, astonished. Had she completely forgotten who she was talking to? _He _was her minion!

"They're expendable," she continued without looking up, "Three kittens, an enhanced neural DNA injection, a few proprietary chemical treatments, and I can make another flapcat."

"Miss, I think you're forgetting something."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"You're _talking _to a minion!"

Although he couldn't see her face, he could hear the smile in her voice as she responded, "Yes, but not an expendable one. You're irreplaceable. The last of your kind, unless I'm mistaken. That makes you inherently more valuable than any of the bric-a-brac I've got wandering around the lab." The Tailor looked up from the work, and he heard the smile melt from her voice, "If she lasts until tomorrow night, I'll repair her, but right now I just do _not _have the time to waste."

He started to protest again, but something in the Tailor's posture stopped him in his tracks and sent a wave of discomfort down his lateral lines. "Yes, Miss," he said, turning to head back up the stairs. However, at the top, he turned around in his helmet, looking back at her. "You… you really don't get attached to things, do you?"

The Tailor didn't even look up from her work, "I accidentally sewed my hand to a dog once. Does that count?" Just then, the open landshark in front of her let out a pathetic whine, one of its forepaws spasming.

Without another word, he headed back to his room. If the flapcat was going to get care, he'd have to do it himself.

* * *

The past few days had passed slowly, but not in the same hazy blur that the past weeks had. Things were making more and more sense now; the fog was lifting. Minion no longer felt the urge to sleep constantly, nor the pervasive confusion. Although he wasn't exactly sure where he was or how he had gotten there, he knew something was very, very wrong.

The kitten, for her part, had spent the entirety of that time in her basket. 'Fix her tomorrow' his tailfin. He had tried his best, but the leg had been too mangled to do much with, the bones too broken. He had just immobilized and bandaged the whole mess. Everything else he had just done his best to patch up. Amazingly infection hadn't set in, but he figured it was only a matter of time.

Minion glanced at the clock; it was probably about time to feed her again. He got up and headed out to the main room, only to find it in a flurry of activity. Cage after cage of the Tailor's altered rodents had been loaded into a large van, and she herself was going down a list on a clipboard. For the first time since he had seen her, she was also wearing a _clean _labcoat; a pale pink one. Face concealed as always, though.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, hello, Minion. Hadn't seen you out in a whi - HEY! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

A landshark, one that might have been a St. Bernard at some point, had started to climb up into the back of the truck. It paused to look at its scolding master, tail set firmly between its legs.

"You're not coming," she snarled at it, "I can't afford to have you fuck everything up this time. Get out of my sight!" It let out a soft whine, and slunk off. She glanced back at Minion, "You'll be sitting this one out as well. I'll be back later tonight."

"Yes, miss," he replied, getting some cat food out of the pantry.

"And I want you to stay out of the labs until further notice. You are not to go down there."

"Yes, miss. Of course," he replied, turning to head back to his room. But something in those words stuck with him. Why was being banished from the lab so.. so familiar? Had the Tailor told him not to go down there before? No, not that he could remember. Still, it chewed at him.

* * *

Megamind stepped off the hoverbike, looking around cautiously in the darkness. This is where the Tailor had demanded he meet her. The personal force shield he had made pulsed around him comfortingly.

At least she hadn't picked a bad spot; the Junkyard could arguably be called one of his favorite haunts; he had many fond memories of scavenging parts here with Minion. The sun was setting behind him, throwing all the odd angles into sharp red relief; it really was rather picturesque. Resting a hand on his dehydration ray in it's sheath, he stepped into the alley.

"Alright, Tailor! I'm here! Come out and face me!"

The piles of junk around him seemed to come alive with skittering feet and matted fur as the Tailor's vermin swarmed through them, hissing and squeaking. He drew his ray, trying to scan for any motion that might give away her location, but the sea of moving fur and gleaming eyes around him was a bit too much to filter.

When she spoke, the gathered swarm echoed her, making her words seem to come from hissing, squeaking voices in all directions. "Hello, Megamind. No robowalker this time? I had actually been planning on that."

A flashy display; seemed the Tailor had the same thoughts on presentation he did. "It didn't seem fair, fighting animals with a giant robot," he replied, letting out a nervous laugh, "I mean, what's the fun in that?"

"Disarm him," she hissed, and the next thing Megamind knew the swarm was upon him, a wave of creeping feet and gnashing teeth. Frantic and more than a little creeped out, he struggled to swat them off, holding the dehydrator out of reach. While the shield would provide more than adequate protection for himself against their little claws and teeth, he wasn't entirely certain if that protection would extend to his weapon.

"Brainbots!" he yelled, "A little help!"

They responded immediately, swarming in to try and pull his hairy assailants off of him, and for a moment it appeared they might be successful; at the glowing eyes and flashing metal teeth, most of the rodents withdrew and scurried back to the safety of the junk piles. However, a sudden disruption in the ranks seemed to ruin the Brainbots cohesion, and Megamind looked up to see that _counterfeit _Brainbots of some sort were attacking them. He could easily see the difference between the mockeries and his own beloved creations, but the Brainbots themselves weren't so lucky. Soon the air was full of hissing, bowging, fighting Brainbots; unable to tell friend from foe, his creations were even fighting each other. Two struggling Brainbots crashed into Megamind, knocking him down and knocking the dehydrator from his grasp; the rats were upon it in a moment, gnawing through the wiring.

This was no good. They were getting _demolished_ up there. "Brainbots!" he yelled, "Brainbots, _scatter_!" he couldn't help but sigh in relief as they all whirred of in different directions, breaking off most of the fighting.

"Technical difficulties?" the Tailor asked, finally stepping into view. Megamind had to admit, he expected something a bit more imposing than a small woman in a pink labcoat.

"I'm supposed to wreck your stuff, not the other way around!" he said, trying to sound disdainful.

"Oh, come on," the Tailor laughed, "That's not quite how the game is played, and you know it."

"Yes, it _is. _Where's Minion? You took _far _too long in contacting me after you took him! That's unprofessional!"

"Is that a new costume? There's something different about it."

"_No,_" he shot back, "And quit trying to distract me with flottery. What have you done with Minion!"

But the Tailor was not to be swayed, "I'm pretty sure there's something new. That M-shaped brooch, where the cape connects to your neckline. I _don't _think I've seen it before."

Megamind felt his stomach churn a little. How had she been able to spot the generator for the force shield so quickly! Still, perhaps it was nothing. Just be casual. "Oh, this old thing? I found it in an old desk drawer, it's nothing special."

"May I see it?"

"_No you can't see it! _Now where is Minion!"

The Tailor gave another sweeping gesture, and the vermin swarmed him again, hissing and squeaking and biting and trying to get at the brooch. It was protected by the same shield the rest of him was, so no damage was being done, but the swarm of feet and teeth was still disconcerting. Megamind staggered a little as he tried to throw his tiny assailants off.

She leveled her weapon at him, firing a blast of electrical energy at him. Megamind did his best to dodge, but being covered in frankenhamsters greatly slowed his movements speed. The blast connected, ripping through her pets and overloading his shield, causing it to short out even as her constructs fell dead around him. Although physically unharmed, he was stunned; she had just intentionally destroyed her own creations, and that device was made from one of _his _designs!

"Oh, I'm sorry," she gushed, taking a step forward, "Did I break your new brooch? I didn't mean to!"

"It's reparable," he fumed, "But where did you get-!"

The Tailor fired another blast.


	8. Friends In Low Places

_Bip-ri-bip. Bip-ri-bip. Bip-ri-bip._

Megamind groaned a little as he came to consciousness, at first only aware of the heart monitor's best attempt to track the pulse of two hearts in one chest. He'd first learned of his unusual rhythm back in the prison infirmary. …Was that where he was? Back home?

A sudden, sharp sensation in his arm brought him all the way back awake and he opened his eyes. He squirmed, only to find himself strapped down rather tightly. The right sleeve of his costume had been cut away entirely, leaving his bare arm exposed. Either not noticing or not caring that he was awake, the Tailor was calmly starting an IV in his arm.

"Wh-what are you doing?" he stammered, trying to pull his arm free to no avail.

"Oh, hello," she said, her tone cheerful, "Preliminary tests with Minion's cells have shown that alien DNA doesn't tend to 'mesh' well with my creations, so this _slight _genetic alteration drip will make you a bit more… hmm… down to earth, shall we say? Can't have them rejecting the grafts on a molecular level, now can we?"

"Grafts? What are you talking about? Release me at once!"

She picked up a large pair of scissors and started to cut open the front of his shirt. Ugh, after Minion spent so long getting it just perfect!

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long," she continued in a conversational tone, "I know it was rather unprofessional of me, but I didn't want to get you until I was sure everything would work. Don't worry, my experiments with fish have come along swimmingly; this should go exactly according to plan."

Megamind, in the meanwhile, was looking around for something, anything, he could use to escape with.

"Of course, before I make any _specific_ plans, I need to do a little looking around first, just to see where everything is," the Tailor said, setting down the pair of scissors to pick up a scalpel, "Try not to scream too much, one of my landsharks had a litter this morning, and I'd rather not disturb her or the pups."

Still struggling to free himself, he looked at the scalpel, then back at her, "Be reasonable. You'll be hunted down for this."

The Tailor gave a cold laugh, "Sometimes the hero dies. You of all people should know that."

* * *

Minion was startled by a rather large landshark forcing the door to his room open. At first he thought the beast was snarling, but after a second realized that it had no lips to cover its teeth with. Heavy drool dribbled from its maw, and the mottled fur on its chest was thickly matted with saliva. The hunchbacked creature made a guttural, growling sound as it stared at Minion with mismatched eyes.

He got to his feet, fluffing out his fins and narrowing his eyes, "Shoo! You can't eat Kitten! Go away!" This wasn't the first of the Tailor's beasts that had shambled in here looking for an easy snack.

The landshark did back away a few steps, before grabbing his container of fish food and darting clumsily out the door. Minion chased after it, swearing silently to himself. Did these stupid things think of nothing but food! He chased it to the top of the steps, where it slowed to a walk and turned to glance over its shoulder, as if making sure he was still following.

Minion paused, frowning at the creature, which just laid its misshapen ears back and wagged its stump of a tail. After regarding him for a long moment, it made a 'follow me' gesture with its head, then padded silently down to the lab, his food still in its mouth.

The fish started to follow, but no sooner than he put his foot on the first step, he heard a very familiar shriek of pain; it tore through him like a lightning bolt.

_Megamind!_

_

* * *

_

"Well, that's damned inconvenient," the Tailor said, regarding her ruined scalpel. It had only traveled a few inches before the blade broke, snapping right off in the subject's chest, "Though I suppose it only makes sense you have such thick skin, given all the times you faced Metro Man. You wouldn't have survived so many encounters if you weren't durable."

He didn't answer, just continued struggling. Still breathing, though, so she hadn't managed to collapse a lung. That was good. She glanced around the room to see if any of her pets were handy; perhaps she could send them to fetch something else to use. …No, only a landshark; it would be more likely to swallow a blade than successfully retrieve one. Hmm, well, if this scalpel broke so quickly, her other scalpels likely weren't any more up to the task. Maybe if she used-

The sound of heavy footsteps came crashing through the lab behind her, and the Tailor turned just in time to be caught in the face by one of Minion's extendable arms. The next instant she was on the floor, ears ringing. There was no pain yet, though she was sure there would be later. "Minion, what the hell are you-?"

Another heavy blow, this one to her ribcage. She felt something crack, then again as she hit the wall. Ribs, probably. Her hood had prevented her from seeing the strike, though she decided it was most likely a kick from one of the suit's heavy legs.

Ugh, what a nightmare. She felt an impossibly strong grip on the scruff of her hood, and Minion lifted her clear of the ground, looking into her eyes, his teeth bared. Impressive, she'd never seen him so angry_. Hmm, probably about to kill me or at least have me incarcerated_, she mused, _Now, what to do…?_

_

* * *

_

Never in his life could he remember being so angry. Minion ripped back the hood to reveal the face of the _thing _that had done this to him, that had tried to hurt Megamind. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting her to look like, but he hadn't expected her to look so… so unremarkable. Nothing about her face was monstrous or would set her apart from any other young woman in Metro City.

She gave him a sweet smile, then said, "Snitter, sic him." Behind him, the landshark which had been laying docilely on the floor crashed into the gurney, knocking it the ground with Megamind on it.

"SIR!" Minion shouted, dropping the Tailor to wrestle the creature away from his friend. Snitter, for his part, broke off the attack almost immediately after cracking a few teeth on Minion's robotic arm. He had no intention of trying to fight something he couldn't get a toothhold on. With a whine, the Landshark bolted, fluffy tail set between legs.

Minion quickly tore the straps holding Megamind down, and went to sit him upright, "S-sir, are you okay?"

Megamind coughed a bit. "I-I-I'm fine, Minion," he stammered, looking dazed. With a wince, he pulled a little bit of metal blade from a bleeding gash in his chest.

"You're hurt!" Minion said, starting to pick him up. He needed to get his friend to a hospital; the wound was bleeding pretty heavily, and who knows what sort of germs and infections this place was crawling with?

"I'll be _fine, _where's the Tailor?"

Minion glanced over to where he had dropped her.

She was gone.


	9. All That Glitters

Minion watched silently as the animal control officials worked, using cages and catchpoles to round up the Tailor's creations from the abandoned slaughterhouse that had served as her lair. Although the villainess herself had not been apprehended, a surprising number of cats, dogs, and other small animals had been recovered healthy and intact.

Most of the monsters, however, seemed to have vanished along with their creator; a few flapcats and landsharks, and one or two of the bird-creatures he had heard her call "crowls" had been left behind, but for the most part she had taken her pets with her when she fled. An impressive undertaking, given how short a period of time had passed between him getting Megamind home and them calling reinforcements out to raid her lair.

Minion supposed that the landsharks that they _had _manage to capture would probably be euthanized; it wasn't as if they could be turned into pets. The flapcats probably had a better chance. None of them were as inherently dangerous as the landsharks, and most had been very friendly towards the animal control workers when they showed up.

Back home, Kitten seemed to be adjusting well to only having three legs. She wasn't quite the chatterbox she had been before, though maybe time would fix that. Finding out your creator considered you to be utterly expendable had to be a sobering realization.

Minion's communicator chirped, signaling a message from home.

"Yes, sir?"

"Minion, come back to the lair. I have something to show you."

* * *

_Ugh, what could possibly be taking that fish so long!_ Megamind though, pacing. He had worked long and hard on this surprise, and now Minion was taking ages to get here! A lot of careful work had gone into the tank while his friend was missing. It had been difficult to deal with while Minion's whereabouts were unknown, but it had also been something productive to do as well.

He turned to look at his handwork; the light coming off the tank really put an interesting cast on his planning area, he had to admit. Wide and deep and full of rock caves, live plants, and even a large hollow Castle Of Doom, it was a work of art. The tank's lone inhabitant, a rather showy goldfish, looked at Megamind expectantly; as if he hadn't just fed it six minutes ago. It was a pity to not have Minion be the first fish in the tank, but caution took precedence. Even though all of the water quality indicators said everything was perfect, he wanted to test it on another fish before risking Minion.

Besides, it was a pretty one; light in color, with black fins trimmed in gold. And if Minion didn't like his tankmate, he could just eat it. It wasn't like he had a taboo against eating goldfish in the past.

Megamind heard the door open and close, and quickly pulled the curtains to hide the tank from view.

"Sir, I'm back!" Minion called, looking around, "What's going on?"

"Ah, perfect!" Megamind said, rushing over to greet him, "You know how I banned you from my planning area?"

"Yes…" Minion replied, looking at him askance.

"Well, I've changed my mind. You can go over there again. In fact, I think you should go over there right now."

"What are you up to?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all!"

He followed Minion over to the planning area, then dramatically pulled back the curtain, watching as Minion's expression turned from one of suspicion, to shock, to absolute delight.

"So, what do you think?"

Minion just looked at him, then back to the tank, then back to Megamind once more. Aww, how cute. He was speechless!

* * *

Minion swam into the tank, looking around wide-eyed at all the plants and rocks and decorations Megamind had set up for him. This place was _huge; _he had never been in so much water before! Well, except perhaps when he was briefly in the fountain, but that probably didn't count. A ripple caught his lateral line, and he turned to look for the fish that caused it.

Wow. _Wow. _Those fins. Minion had seen goldfish before, but for some reason, the flowing dark fins with yellow trim just sent a shiver through him. She was _gorgeous_. The sensation was a odd one for Minion; he'd eaten goldfish in the past, but one never struck him as being so beautiful and elegant before. Just looking at her round body and flowing fins was sending tingles all through him.

The goldfish turned and gave him a curious look, and Minion realized all at once that he was flashing his bioluminescent crests. He shut his eyes for a long moment, willing himself to calm down, then slowly approached with his fins folded flat, focusing on how friendly and non-threatening and not-hungry he was, hoping that by doing so he'd project the right currents and pheromones at her.

She responded by swimming a little closer, looking him over curiously as she communicated her own friendly intentions. A rush of relief went through Minion; this wasn't so hard, he just had to focus. He darted a little closer, tasting the biochemical messages and feeling the little flickers of electricity and current along his lateral lines. The goldfish circled him as well, drinking in information about him.

She was young, pretty hungry, and in very good health.

He tried his best to let her know how beautiful he thought she was, but the goldfish either didn't understand or just ignored him. She returned to nibbling experimentally on the plastic plant, before turning and giving him a questioning signal. ::_Is there food?_::

_::No::_, he replied, then flickered his bioluminescence as once again he tried to tell her how lovely her fins looked.

The goldfish gave a friendly, nonspecific sort of reply, then turned and started to swim towards the cave. For reasons that he really didn't understand, Minion rushed up under her, nudging her shimmering belly with his bioluminescent crests. He was immediately punished by a crashing sense of alarm from the startled goldfish as she put on a little burst of speed to out distance him.

_What did I do that for!_ He wondered, furious at himself as he watched her disappear into the castle, _I didn't mean to scare her!_ He hesitated for a long moment, then swam into the castle after her, hovering right near the entrance as he tried to communicate his apology. The goldfish paused in inspecting the pebbled floor to respond with confusion. _::Who are you? Is there food?::_

_::No::_, he answered, flickering his lights at her again. The goldfish watched his display for a long moment, then went to swim out past him, brushing against him with those incredible fins. Shivers coursed through him at the contact, and a few heartbeats later he was nudging at her underbelly again, following her as she darted across the tank trying to evade him.

Soon, though, he broke off the chase, startled at his own behavior. What had gotten into him? He watched as she swam up to the surface, inspecting the water line carefully. He took a deep breath to calm himself, then drifted up towards her, staying a respectful distance back this time.

The goldfish gave him a curious look and swam closer, and it dawned on him that there was no glimmer of recognition there. She was sensing his signals all over again as if he were a stranger.

_::Is there food?::_ the goldfish asked once more, giving him the equivalent of a smile. Minion felt his heart sink as he looked at her. She must have picked up on it, because the next thing she asked was, _::Are you sad?::_

_::Yes::_

_::Me too. Someone said there's no food.::_

Minion gazed at the lovely looking fish for a long moment, then turned and darted back into his new castle.


	10. Blind Date

Minion regarded the structure in mild curiosity. For some reason the red betta Megamind had added to the tank had seen fit to make a large mass of foamy bubbles in one corner of it. It had spent the better part of two days working on it, and was now guarding it diligently against fish that ventured too near. When Minion approached, however, it hesitated; his status as the top fish in the tank had been established early on.

_::What is it?::_ Minion inquired, trying to look friendly. The more he tried to talk to the other fish in his tank, the easier it was coming to him. The Goldfish in particular was useful for this. It didn't matter if he said something wrong or something stupid. A few minutes later she had forgotten it already anyway.

_::It's for girls::_

_::There are no other betas::_

_::There could be later.::_ The betta circled him a little, getting a better sense of him through the signals in the water, _::What are you?::_

_::I'm Minion::_

_::Do you school?::_

_::No:: _he replied, although Minion had no idea whether he was a schooling fish or not.

_::Are there others?::_

_::No::_

He felt the wave of relief from the betta before it bid him farewell and went back to working on its bubble-nest.

* * *

Megamind came downstairs in his PJs and flipped the light on the fishtank, illuminating the little underwater world. With a yawn, he sprinkled some flakes on the surface, and watched the little community of fish come swarming to the surface. At Minion's request, he had filled the tank with lots of different species of tropical fish, and it made for a very attractive display piece for the lair.

Still, as he watched them eat, Megamind frowned a bit. Where were those gouramis he bought yesterday? He could have _sworn _there were a lot more fish in there! Just then, his friend emerged from the castle decoration with a yawn, swimming to the surface to get his share. "Oh come on Minion, already? I just put those gouramis in last night."

Minion looked confused, "Sir? What are you talking about?"

"You need to slow down on eating your tankmates! They're there to supplement the flakes, not replace them entirely!"

"I haven't eaten anyone! ...Recently."

"Then where are those gouramis I bought yesterday? And about _half _the mollies are missing!"

"They were here earlier, sir!" Minion said, pausing to look around the tank. His eyes settled on the goldfish, and a look of relief crossed his features. He looked back up at Megamind, "Sir, I _swear_ it wasn't me."

"Alright, Minion," Megamind replied, but he still had his doubts. He watched as the fish in the tank ate their breakfast. Most of them were keeping a good distance from Minion, but the goldfish was fearless. At times, she even jostled Minion out of the way to get at particularly "good" looking flakes first. As he watched, though, Megamind realized that one of the goldfish's fins had been ripped to ribbons.

"Um… sir?" Minion asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you know if… if there's any other fish like me out there?"

Oh, what a question. Why must Minion ask things he already knew the answer to? "I.. I don't know. I mean.. our planet... Perhaps there could be a similar earth species?"

Minion glanced at the goldfish, "…I don't know."

* * *

Minion awakened with a wide yawn, and blinked sleepily in the darkness. At first he was confused at what had awakened him, but then it came again. Frantic ripples near the surface pinging against his lateral line. Swimming out of his cave to sense it better, the frantic, sporadic pattern became easily recognizable-probably a fly unlucky enough to have fallen into the water. Wonderful! He could really go for a midnight snack. He swam up towards the ripples to take a bite-

WHACK

The next thing Minion knew, sharp claws were digging into his side and pulling him out of the water; a heartbeat later, he was hitting the planning room floor. He let out a dazed groan, then startled as something put a paw on his side.

"W-whatever you are, stay back!" he shouted, snapping at his assailant, "I've got teeth and I know how to use them!"

The response was a startled rush of words, "Wrong-fishy-it-was-a-accident-sorry!"

"_Kitten!_" he said, only to feel sharp teeth sinking into the base of his tail a moment later. He let out a pained shout. "_OW! Let go of me!_"

Fortunately, she was just scrambling back up the side of the tank to put him back. He hit the water, feeling very battered and bruised. The scratches were all superficial, but they still stung. The glowing eyes of the cat regarded him through the side of the tank, and he quickly darted down to the gravel bottom, fins flared aggressively, "Go away!"

She gave no sign of motion, just watched him. "It was an accident. Are you okay?"

"Go _away!_"

Laying her ears back, the flapcat slunk back into the shadows of the lab. No way was he going to get any sleep tonight. He sensed motion behind him and startled, but it was only the goldfish. She gave him a concerned look, probably sensing the stress radiating off of him. _::You okay?::_

_::No::¸ _he replied, trying to remember the way the minnows said it when he chased them, _::A predator tried to eat me::_

_::Eat? Was there food?::_ she looked vaguely excited, and started to swim towards the surface. Dammit, he must not have said what he thought he said.

With a quick burst of motion, he darted ahead of her, trying to force her back down towards the gravel. _::No! No food! Danger!::_ She tried to dart around him, and he responded with a rather insistent nip. That got a fear response, and he chased her back into the castle.

He hated having to use force like that, but she wouldn't remember it in two minutes anyway, and he didn't want her swimming around free in case Kitten tried to fish again tonight. Tomorrow morning he would tell Megamind, but for now he would keep the goldfish where she was safe.

_::Goodnight Minion,:: _came the sleepy message from within the Castle.

That raised his spirits a bit; she was starting to recognize him now. He looked back in at the settling goldfish, _::Goodnight.::_

_::My fins hurt.::_

_::You're safe now.::_

_

* * *

_

The kitten mewed pitifully, rubbing her ruined face against the bars of the cat-carrier. It was unfair. It was so completely, totally, infinitely unfair. Nobody told her she wasn't supposed to eat the fishies. Minion ate them all the time! And when she caught him on accident she put him right back! But now he was mad and Megamind was mad and bad things were going to happen to her. She just knew it.

Heavy footsteps coming towards the carrier. She flattened herself miserably against the back, shaking like a leaf. They'd probably decided what terrible, horrible thing to do and were coming to do it now. Instead, though, the door opened and Minion set a little cup of food inside.

"Minion?" she mewed, staying flat against the back, "I-I didn't mean to catch you. Honest. I just wanted the other fishies."

There was a moment of hesitation outside the carrier, "I know. I'm a little sorry for freaking out."

"If it helps, touching you made me real sick for a while."

"I know," Minion said, "I was the one who had to clean out Megamind's shoes. Why'd you do that?"

"I like his shoes."

Outside, she heard the fishy heave a sigh. …she didn't know that fishies could sigh. Maybe only Minion sighed. He was more a people than a fishy. "Maybe you should live with somebody else."

A sick jolt of fear went through her, and she felt her fur stand on end. She felt dizzy and horrible, "I don't want to go back please don't make me go back I can't-"

"No, not there!"

"Where?"

"Maybe with Miss Ritchi? …You've seen her on TV, she's Megamind's girlfriend. I believe she also has a friend with kids, if you'd rather be with them."

Ugh, fishies were so stupid. The grey tabby supposed it wasn't his fault, though. She would simply have to explain this to him in simple terms. "How am I supposed to get into the TV? I already tried. There's glass in the way."

"We'd take you to a non-TV place to meet her."

"Does she like ugly kitties?"

"You're not ugly," Minion reassured. Wait, what? Hadn't he seen what that metal monster did to her face?

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, tail twitching, "I didn't realize that fishies can't see so good."

* * *

She was late.

Wayne looked at his watch, fidgeting a bit. True, this was a little out-of-the-way place, but he still felt as if everyone in the room was looking at him. It was odd; he'd been 'dead' for months, and still that pervasive feeling of "all eyes on you" had never left him. It wasn't paranoia, exactly-he didn't have any delusions about the world being out to get him. But it always felt like the world was watching.

Just then, though, he saw the hostess directing a young woman over to his table. This must be the friend Roxie was talking about.

"Wayne, right?" she said as he stood up to pull her chair out, "I'm Layla."

He gave her his best winning smile, "Hey. It's nice to meet you."

"It's okay, I got it," she said, pulling out her chair before he could and sitting down.

Wayne was taken a bit off-guard by that, but he still smiled and sat across from her. "So, um, have you ever eaten here before?"

She nodded, "Yes, but not very often."

"I don't think I have. Is there anything on the menu you'd recommend?"

"There's a really good chicken pasta dish, if you like chicken or pasta. …Hey, you look familiar. Have we met?"

A brief moment of panic, "No! Um, I-I mean no, definitely not. I just moved here a little bit ago, so.."

"Really? Where from?"

Come on Wayne, think. Shit, you should have had this all figured out beforehand. "Um.. Kansas."

"Why'd you move?"

"Well, y'know, change of scenery."

She gave an amused smile, "That's a pretty big change."

He grinned back at her, "Well, gotta keep things interesting."

Layla laughed a bit, "Actually, I moved here because things were calmer than in Bayville."

"Bayville... I know I've heard of that place... gimme a sec.. ...that's where that one 'school for the gifted' is, right?"

She nodded, "Yeah. Being different like that has gotta be tough on a kid, y'know?"

_You have no idea, _he thought, but changed the subject. "Speaking of kids, how are yours adjusting to the move? Roxie said you guys moved here a little after Metro Man q- er, died." A brief look of relief flashed across her face. _Probably glad that she doesn't have to have the 'by the way I have kids' discussion, _he thought.

"Pretty well, I think," Layla answered, "Devi's doing okay in school, and Lance is still pretty little. We were actually here before the museum opening. They really liked watching Metro Man on TV."

Wayne couldn't help but smile at that, "A lot of people did. ...Still, Megamind isn't doing too bad a job of filling his shoes. Especially considering that he doesn't have any superpowers."

"Heh, it helps that he can make his own powers. ...And that there doesn't seem to be anyone here that's _actually_ evil now that Titan's locked up."

"Well, there's probably a few..." God, time for a subject change, "So, how did you meet Roxie?"

"We were roommates in college. What about you? How do you know her?"

Ugh. Time for more thinking on his feet, "Er.. we used to work together, a while back."

"Really? What'd you do?"

"I was law enforcement, but I kinda burned out on it. Right now I'm still looking for a new direction. I've got enough savings that I can dabble." There. He hadn't _technically _lied. Too bad he didn't have his guitar handy; he had some stuff that was coming along really nicely that he could show her.

* * *

Dinner had gone quite well, he thought. He hadn't stuck his foot in his mouth or inadvertently used any of his powers, and she hadn't done anything particularly creepy or off-putting.

He paused on the way to his car, to call after her, "Would you maybe like to go see a movie someti-"

CRUNCH. He wasn't caught off guard so much by the sensation as by the sound. When you have super-hearing, _everything _is loud. He looked down to see that while he wasn't paying attention, a car had wrapped it's engine block around his legs like he was a telephone poll. Crap. He extracted himself from the mess, a bit startled.

Layla looked at Wayne, then the car, then back to him, the realization dawning on her, "Okay, Seriously?"

He glanced into the car; the driver had fainted, but otherwise looked unhurt. Glancing around to make sure there were no witnesses, Wayne quickly moved the car over to make it look like he HAD hit a telephone poll. There, problem solved.

"I take it you're Metro Man, and not some _other _guy with invulnerability that looks like him."

He turned to her with a sigh, "Look, I _used _to be, but I'm not now."

"_Really._ Having them open a museum for you wasn't enough?"

Wayne flinched.

"…Sorry, I'm not mad at y- ….No wait, I _am._ Would it have killed ya to help a little when super-powered Titan showed up! People _died._"

He held up his hands in a defensive sort of way, "Okay, okay, can we take this elsewhere? Or at least take the volume down a notch? Please?"

"_Fine,_" she hissed, lowering her voice.

He sighed, leading the way over to his truck. Once they were in, he turned to her and said, "Look, I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm done."

"So you had _to fake your death_? You didn't even _try_ to just quit."

"You can't just _quit_ being a hero. You have no idea what the pressure is like, there."

"Yes you _can_, and I kinda do."

"Trust me, you don't. Besides, Megamind was being forced into the whole villain thing just by me being Metro Man. He's doing a good job at the heroics."

"Yeah, after almost getting killed a few times."

"Hey, he's a lot hardier than you're giving him credit for."

She just shook her head at him, ". . . Did you even see the fight with Titan? At all? He came pretty damn close to dying."

"Well, he came out of it fine. ...And he came out of facing the Tailor fine, even though I tried to get him to just leave that one alone."

Layla gave him a cold look, "How _can_ he leave something alone if he's the _only_ superhero in the city?"

"With the Tailor? You can manage it. She's not as, er, 'flashy' as Megamind always was." She stared at him in disbelief. Just one more person having their illusions shattered, he guessed. Shaking her head a little, she went to get out of the car, but he lightly grabbed her arm, stopping her. "Please keep it quiet that I'm still around."

Layla looked at him for a long moment, then nodded, "I won't tell."

"Thank you. ...And for what it's worth, it was nice meeting you."

She just shook her head, got out, and stalked back over to her own car.

So much for dating.


	11. Barbs NSFW

Roxanne sighed as she got up to answer the door. It was almost midnight. Who would be showing up at her apartment at THIS hour? Of course, she already knew the answer; it seemed that Megamind had absolutely no concept of when normal people slept. He could latch on to an idea or concept, and stay awake for days on end working on it. Naturally, he assumed this was how it was for everyone. She unlocked the door and let him in. Megamind strode in, holding a small pet-carrier with him.

"…What's with the carrier?" she asked, sitting down on the couch. Megamind had never exactly struck her as the type to keep pets.

"It's a long story," he replied, "Do you like cats?"

"Uh, I guess? Why?"

"She tried to eat Minion the other night, so I really can't keep her, and I don't think she'd do well at an animal shelter..."

"Why?"

"Well, she's been damaged," he replied, pulling the tabby out of the carrier. The pitiful creature only had three legs, and heavy scarring on it's face and side. Whatever had happened, this animal had clearly been through hell. Roxie looked from the mangled cat to Megamind, who had the best little-kid 'can we keep it?' look on his face she had ever seen. How did he _do _that, anyway?

"Aww," Roxanne cooed, "What's her name?"

"Er, we never quite got to that, so we've just been calling her 'Kitten'. I'm sure she'd answer to most anything, though."

"Sure," she sighed, "I'll take care of her for you."

Megamind was ecstatic, "Thank you! You have no idea how relieved I am," he said, setting the cat down, "My other option was Metro Man, and he is _not _good at taking care of things."

The cat, meanwhile, hopped right up into Roxie's lap, purring and rubbing against her in an affectionate way. "Well, hi there," she responded, rubbing it behind the ears. Roxanne looked back up at Megamind, smiling, "She's adorable."

He returned the smile, sitting on the sofa next to her, "I'm just sorry she's in such poor condition."

"What happened?" Roxanne asked with a frown.

"The Tailor got her. I don't know exactly what happened, but it must have been trow-matic."

_Trowmatic?_ she thought, _What is trow- oh. "Traumatic"_. Meanwhile, the cat flopped over, wanting its belly rubbed. "Well," she replied, giving the cat the attention it was asking for, "It doesn't seem to have spoiled her personality any." She gave him another smile, "Have you eaten dinner yet tonight?"

* * *

Their late dinner passed, and soon they were back in her living area again, talking. The conversation once again turned to the cat.

"Thank you again," Megamind said, "I'd like to keep her, but you know how Minion can be. He's practically phobbic." And Megamind _was _grateful; he really hadn't had a plan B if Roxanne wouldn't take the cat.

Roxanne gave him a warm smile, "Of course," she replied, sitting down on the couch once more, "I don't mind at all. She seems really sweet."

Megamind leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek, but she turned her head, catching his lips with her own. After a brief moment of hesitation, he kissed back, parting his lips ever so slightly. With a contented sigh, she parted her own lips, playing her tongue against his. In an attempt to keep his balance in the awkward position, Megamind put his hand down, accidentally resting it on her thigh; his touch seemed to send an electric jolt through her. He could feel his face darkening in a blush as he quickly pulled it away, resting it on the arm of the sofa instead. How was it that being near Roxanne always made him so damned clumsy?

Roxanne broke off the kiss, and gave him a devilish smirk that made him feel weak in the knees. Did she have any idea what kind of effect she had on him? The power she wielded? In a purring tone, she whispered, "Why don't you sit down?"

He settled into the seat next to her, and she kissed him fiercely, curling her tongue around his. Ah, the old 'what to do with my hands' debate was back, stronger and more desperate than ever. It took every iota of willpower Megamind had not to seize her right there; she had him squirming within his sheath and she didn't even know it. Every kiss, every touch, even the slight scent of her perfume was intoxicating. He wanted her. More than anything, he wanted her. But what if she rejected him? What if the advance was too soon, and she wanted nothing to do with him?

Roxanne broke off the kiss once more, giving him another delightfully evil look, "Hmm, feel like spending the night?"

Megamind's hearts crawled into his throat. "I- wh- uh- p-pardon me?" That wasn't right. That couldn't be right. He had to have misunderstood the connotations of that phrase.

Her smile didn't waver. "Do you want to spend the night?"

He gave a speechless nod, and she pulled him into a tight embrace, drowning him in another deep kiss. He fought his way up to the surface, gasping for air as his heart hammered in his ears. "So do you intend to.. to…?" he trailed off, making a helpless gesture with his hands.

"Well, do you want to?"

"Well, do you want to?"

"Yes, very much so, but… I only have a version of my holowatch for clothes _on._"

"So?" she replied, raising an eyebrow.

"And… and you're okay with that?"

"Yes, I'm okay with that," she replied in amusement.

Megamind pulled her tightly to him, bolder than he had every done before. Half-expecting his hands to be slapped away at any moment, he explored her curves, running his fingers lightly along her skin. He scarcely dared to believe this was happening.

Roxanne gave him another deep kiss, then peeled off his tight leather top. As it came away, she froze, giving him a concerned look. "What _happened?_" she asked, gesturing to the wound on his chest. Megamind had refused to go to the hospital, so Minion had placed the stitches there himself (and done a rather fine job of it.)

Of course, the encounter with the Tailor was the last thing he wanted to consider right now, "I-I got that from the Tailor. Don't be concerned. It's healing."

"I thought you said you hadn't been hurt."

"It's just a flesh wound, I'm fine, and I'm safe now," he went to kiss her again, hoping that would be the end of the discussion. She kissed him back as he massaged her with nimble fingers. After a moment's hesitation, he started to fumble with the buttons on her blouse.

She withdrew, giving him a coy smile, and stripped off the blouse with ease. Megamind's breath caught in his throat as he eyed her hungrily. "Think we should move this to the bedroom?" she asked in a sultry voice.

Megamind followed her, heart pounding as he watched her shed first her bra then her skirt. Another shudder ran through his sheath, and it was all he could do not to grab her right there. Still, he held himself under tight control. He had to. Roxanne unzipped his pants and started to pull the black leather away. Oh no, moment of truth.

Although he was human in many ways, Megamind did not have the same sexual anatomy that a human male possessed. Instead, he had a flat sheath, the end of which looked to be protected by four sharp little barbs, while the rest of him was kept inside until needed. He felt a sharp pang as he watched her reaction, her eyes widening in horror. Here it came; she was going to reject him on the spot.

Roxanne looked up at him, took a deep breath, and… pressed up against him again? She.. she was going to go through with it. He could feel her panties pressed up against his sheath, and another quiver went through him. Slowly, delicately, he laid her back against the bed. He kissed her and began to lightly feel around, stroking and caressing every inch of her he could get to, carefully watching the reaction each touch stirred within her. Her neck, the small of her back, the insides of her thighs, her ears… all deliciously sensitive.

Watching her skin take on a flushed color as she broke out into a cool sweat, he started to focus on her thighs, carefully massaging and working his way higher. He hesitated as he reached her panties, glancing up at her face to ask permission. With a tiny whimper, she arched her back and spread her legs, giving consent in a way that sent another shudder through him. He felt himself slip out of his sheath a bit, but the cold air was uncomfortable and he pulled it back in. Not.. not yet.

He tugged away the panties, and slowly began to explore her anatomy with his hand, watching for her responses as he played. After only a few moments, he found what appeared to be the sweet spot, and stimulated it mercilessly, watching as Roxanne whimpered and writhed helplessly under his touch. For a moment, he was concerned that he might be misreading signs of pain as those of pleasure, but she abruptly started thrusting her hip up towards him, and he continued.

Megamind watched in fascination as she abruptly went stiff, gasping for air and shuddering, then relaxed, going quiet once more. It was too much, far to much; he couldn't wait any longer. He climbed on to the bed, positioning himself as he covered her chest and neck with delicate kisses. The angle wasn't quite right, and he struggled to get his sheath where it needed to be.

After a few frantic seconds, he found what seemed to be the right place, but something insisted he wasn't in close enough; in his frustration, his barbs spurred Roxanne a bit, and she spread her legs wider without complaint, allowing him to press the sheath right up against her. A soft groan escaped him as he filled her, withdrawing the barbs and narrowing his eyes in pleasure. He pressed in to her as far as he could go, before retreating almost entirely into the sheath, then pressed in again, the rest of his body still as stone as he focused on finding the right rhythm.

Megamind shut his eyes at the intensely pleasurable sensation, but then he felt Roxanne shudder under him. He opened his eyes, realizing that she looked, well, a bit freaked out. He willed himself to stop his exploration of her, and struggled to find the breath to speak.

"Are y-you alright?"

"Yeah, it's just… different," she replied, with just the hint of a whimper.

He swallowed hard, "Do you want me to.. to stop?" It was the last thing in the world he wanted to do, but he couldn't bear to see her distressed.

"No," she murmured, giving him a deep kiss, and he resumed his thrusting with renewed vigour, pulling her tightly against him. Soon, he found the right sequence, the right pattern of undulations, and once again Roxanne's breath was coming in ragged gasps. Although he felt an incredible mix of heat and pressure and ecstasy within himself, he didn't seem to quite be losing his composure the way she was.

That is, until, she went rigid underneath him once more, and he felt the powerful contractions rolling against him. His breath caught in his throat at the powerful sensation, and he couldn't help but press his entire length into her, going rigid. An instant later he realized what he was about to do and tried to withdraw, but the barbs caught her, making her give a little yelp.

_Oh no. _He couldn't extract himself, not without injuring her, and try as he might he couldn't get the barbs to retract again. He let out a shuddering gasp, trying to get himself under control, trying to calm down enough so that he wouldn't- then she made a soft, helpless little noise, and it was all over for him. Wave after wave of heat rolled through him as he emptied himself into her.

The deed done, Megamind's barbs released their hold and he was able to withdraw, collapsing on the bed next to her in sheer exhaustion. He was more than a little mortified; he understood that unless offspring were desired, the male was supposed to withdraw before the act was completed, but what could he do? He didn't want to hurt her worse! What if she was angry with him?

"That was your first time?" she asked. He winced.

"W-was it okay?"

She cuddled up close against him, "You were great."


	12. Responsibility

Megamind slunk into the base around noon the next day, hoping to go unnoticed. Unfortunately, no sooner than he stepped inside he was confronted by one very angry looking fish.

"Where _have _you been?" Minion scolded, robotic arms crossed.

Megamind winced a little, "Oh, don't worry, I was just over at Roxanne's. Everything's fi-"

"Oh, you were just over at _Roxanne's._ For the _entire _night. And it didn't even occur to you to let me know you weren't _dead _or _kidnapped _again?"

Megamind took a step back, "Minion, I'm sorry! I didn't plan on being over there so long, she just-"

"_All night!_"

"It's _complicated, _okay! I really wasn't planning on her l-"

Minion turned around in his helmet-bowl, his back to Megamind. Rolling his eyes, Megamind went to walk around to the other side, but the fish steadily turned, refusing to look at him. "Oh, come on, Minion. I'm _sorry_. I didn't think."

No response from the fish.

"…She said she'd give Kitten a good home, for what it's worth."

That, at least, got a quick glance from his aquatic friend.

"Come on, don't be mad. Besides, she uh, she really took me off guard. Normally I wouldn't have forgotten."

Finally, Minion relented and turned to look at him. "_Call _next time, okay?"

"Ah, there's a good Minion!" Megamind said, his spirits instantly brightening, "Now, what's for lunch, I'm _starving._" With that, he headed towards what served as their kitchen at a quick trot.

Minion rolled his eyes, trailing behind, "I didn't make anything because you _weren't here._"

"Oh, that's alright. We have peanut butter, right?" Megamind started to dig through the cabinets, wondering where Minion hid it.

"Yes…" Minion said, giving him a mildly suspicious look. Megamind ignored it, and started to make himself a sandwich. "Sir? Why, exactly, were you at Miss Ritchi's so long?"

Megamind felt his face go purple from embarrassment, "Well, ah, she- er.. _we _uh…"

"You _didn't._"

He responded with a wicked grin, "We did! …It was all her idea, though."

Minion shook his head, looking concerned, "Oh boy, this isn't good."

"Why wouldn't it be good? It was amazing!"

Minion flared his fins, "In case you forgot, we're from _another planet! _What if she ends up getting sick _because _of this!"

"Sick?" he scoffed, "Why would it make her sick? _You're _the one whose poisonous, remember?"

"We've got no idea if you're… _chemically _compatible!"

"She'll be _fine, _Minion."

Minion just frowned, "If you say so, sir."

* * *

It's an interesting characteristic of nature, and of life in particular, that while it is easy to get rid of _most _of something, it is damn near impossible to get rid of _all _of something. Just outside the city limits a few scattered cells, each one pulsing with godlike power, traveled thought the bloodstream of a particular prisoner.

Unseen and unknown, they grew and divided, striving ever closer towards the tipping point where they could once again rock their host body to its core.

* * *

Back in the lair, the conversation had changed.

"Well, how about some little schooling fish?" Megamind asked, regarding the tank, "You need to promise not to eat them so quickly, though."

"I'm pretty sure if I don't eat them someone else will."

"Well, I could get some zebra danios. They're only a dollar apiece, and fast enough swimmers to last for a while."

"Sure!" Minion said, perking up.

"Besides, it'd be good exercise for you."

Minion's eyes grew wide, his voice quivering, "D-did you just call me fat?"

_Wait, what?_ Megamind turned to look at him, "No, of course not! It'll just make you a stronger swimmer, that's all."

Minion brightened, "Oh, okay!"

He looked back at the tank, where the goldfish was at the side frantically begging for food, despite the fact that it had been fed all of five minutes ago.

"No more goldfish," Minion said, seeing where he was looking, "Ever."

"Oh, but look at him. He's dancing."

"No, sir, she's begging. She _just _ate, and she doesn't remember. She never remembers anything."

Minion sounded almost… bitter? Was that the word? Megamind frowned a bit, trying to see why a goldfish being forgetful would have his friend so upset. Typically Minion just ate any goldfish he had access too; if this one had been annoying him, why hadn't he just devoured it as well?

The goldfish, meanwhile, got a bit too enthusiastic in her attempts to garner attention; a moment later she hit the floor, gills flaring as she gasped. What happened? Where did all the water go? Heaving a sigh, Minion delicately scooped her up, dropping her back in the water. She floated on her side, looking very dazed.

"Is she okay?" Megamind asked, raising his hand towards the glass.

"Don't tap, sir."

"Sorry." He pulled his hand back.

The goldfish righted herself, and went right back to begging. Megamind gave a small laugh. "Well, points for persistence."

"I think maybe we should get a lid sir."

"Oh, come on Minion," Megamind replied, "He can't possibly be stupid enough to do that ag-" The goldfish scaled the side again, landing in his lap. "Okay, we'll get a lid."

* * *

Kitten yawned and stretched, coming awake with a wide yawn. Roxie was chattering away on the phone, oblivious to the perfectly good nap she had just ruined. The little tabby shot her an annoyed hiss, but Roxie either didn't here her or didn't care.

"He asked me not to," Roxanne's voice was apologetic, "He just wants to be 'normal' now." A long pause as the other human spoke, and then Roxanne's voice was amused, "Well, I wasn't expecting him to get hit by a car on the first date."

Kitten hopped off the bed, and trotted down to the kitchen, her new collar clanging annoyingly. She paused to look at her reflection in the balcony door, squinting to read the new tag in the image. "yssaS". Her new name was Yssas? The hell kind of name was that? Humans could be so strange. And apparently Roxie couldn't even write-every individual letter was flipped the wrong way, and she had capitalized the wrong one. Stupid human.

With a melodramatic sigh, she padded over and checked out the offerings in her foodbowl. Kibbles. _Really, Roxanne, really?_ she grumbled internally, _You expect me to eat kibbles?_ This human had a LOT to learn. She turned and stalked back upstairs, tail fluffed out, to set this misunderstanding right.

"Yeah, the day before yesterday? Megamind showed up at my apartment with a bag full of fish from the pet store. Turns out he was just checking in on his way home, but at first I thought that he'd gotten the wrong idea about why I'd let him stay the night. ….. Yeah, it turns out the fish were for Minion, and he just wanted to make sure the kitten was settling in well, but I really had an 'oh crap' moment for a second there."

Kitten hopped on to the bed, fixing Roxanne with a steely glare, but she just chatted on, oblivious.

* * *

"That depends" Minion answered, looking at Megamind askance, "How long are you planning on staying _this_ time?"

"Well," Megamind replied in a joking tone, "That's sort of up to her."

Minion just glared.

"Oh, come on, Minion. Why are you being so difficult about this?"

"Because it's a bad idea!"

Megamind shook his head, "There's nothing wrong with me having a serious girlfriend."

"No, but parts of it involve a certain level of responsibility!"

"I _am _responsible!"

Minion just scoffed at him. Megamind was easily one of the least-responsible people he knew. Hell, sometimes it felt like he needed more babysitting than the stupid goldfish did! …Not that Minion usually minded, but this whole relationship with Roxie was giving him a bad feeling. He knew Megamind's tendency to get fixated on things, like when he discovered he could use the Tesla coils to play music, and did nothing else for four months.

"Now where are the keys?"

Minion shrugged. He hadn't seen them.

"Minion! I need those! What if there was a disaster and I had to get to it?"

"_Is _there a disaster?"

"Well… no…"

"Then all you did was prove my point, because you lost the keys on your own. I didn't take them this time."

Megamind shot him a glare, and stalked off to look. Minion heaved a sigh, walked down, and checked the laundry. Sure enough, they had ended up in the wash. "Sir!" he called, "I found them! You forgot to clean out your pockets _again!_"

"Really, excellent!" Megamind came down to get them, but Minion simply held them up out of reach.

"Na-uh, where are you planning on going."

"I already told you! I want to go check in on Roxanne!"

"Then just _call _her. Constantly showing up at her apartment is going to start creeping her out."

* * *

No sooner had Roxie hung up, then her phone rang again. At this rate, she wasn't going to get anything done today. Still, she answered, "Hello?"

"Olo! Just calling to see how you were today."

She smiled a little, "Oh, I'm fine. Not much to report."

"I saw the sub they had for you on the news last night. What was going on? She kept dropping the mic."

Roxie chucked a little, "Aw, it was her first time on camera. Cut her some slack."

"Well, I don't think I've ever seen _you _drop the mic, even when you started out."

"Oh, I was _terrible._"

"Oh, come on, the stuttering was cute," she could hear the smirk in his voice, "It certainly got _my_ attention, anyway."

Roxanne smiled, "I suppose it did."

"Heh, boy did it turn around when you were off-camera, though. I learned half the foul words I know from when we kidnapped you the first time, and I grew up in _prison_."

"Hey, you kidnapped me and I didn't know you weren't really dangerous yet."

"I kind of miss snatching you unawares like that," he said in a wistful tone."

"Mmm, are you busy right now?"

"No," he replied, his voice betraying the evil grin she was sure he had right now, "I'll see you in a little bit, alright?"

* * *

A few minutes later, while Megamind was still in his lair trying to reclaim the keys, a leather-clad hand clamped a chloroform rag over Roxanne's face from behind. She crumpled limply into the hooded figure's arms, and was quietly removed to a waiting van outside.

From a hiding place under the couch, a little creature with "Sassy" on its nametag watched.


	13. Sideways

Megamind entered the apartment from the balcony where he had parked his hoverbike, dressed to the nines. Time to make good on kidnapping Roxanne for old time's sake. One noisy, yowling little cat ran up to him, but there was no sign of Roxanne.

Shooing the flapcat away, he headed into the bedroom, but the creature was not to be deterred. With a frustrated hiss, she started to climb up his leg, digging in her claws and continuing to squawk and chatter and make a noisy pest of herself in general. Wincing at the claws, he pried the furball off his leg, holding her from the scruff at eye level. The mewing, chattering kit fell silent at the look he was giving her. Apparently satisfied, he dropped her back on the bed, but once again she started up the yowly cacophony, doing her best to tell what she had seen.

Unfortunately, he couldn't understand a word of it. Megamind pulled out his phone to call Minion. Something was very wrong here.

* * *

Roxanne Ritchi came to, and a quick attempt to move revealed that she had been tied to a chair. She opened her eyes, but as usual, a bag had been tied over her head. Well, that hadn't taken him long. She squirmed experimentally, but the knots were much tighter this time than they had ever been in the past.

She heaved a sigh, and then almost immediately gagged, fighting to keep her lunch down. The room had a horrible fish-tank-and-rotten-meat smell to it that hit her like a truck. "You know," she said, once her stomach had settled, "there are easier ways to get my attention. ...I do like you being more forward though."

Slowly, gently, a pair of delicate leather-clad hands removed her shoes and socks. He gave no answer, though, which struck her as a bit odd. Just then, though, he tickled the bottom of her foot, getting a giggle, "No banter, huh? I guess _someone's _a little eager."

She froze all of the sudden, feeling a sharp blade against her stomach, but he gently used it to cut away her skirt and panties. She held her breath until he was done cutting, then snapped, "You know, those were _expensive._"

However, he didn't stop there; the next instant, the blade was swicking away her shirt and bra, leaving her naked and exposed in the chair, wearing nothing but the bag over her head. Whatever this new game of his was, she didn't like it; he had just destroyed her clothes, and his silence was unnerving. "Megamind? Come on, this isn't funny. Say something."

The gloved hand reached under the bag and grabbed her jaw harshly, tilting her head upward and touching something to her throat; it felt like a marker. Despite Roxanne's squirming, the marking continued all over her body, starting with her arms and legs then continuing to her torso, making her blush fiercely, "Stop it! Who are you!"

If it was Megamind, and _god she hoped it was Megamind, _she was going to kill him.

"Oh," came a sweet female voice, "Just one rather amused scientist."

The bag was pulled away from her head, allowing Roxie to take in the room. Her stomach immediately rolled again; the room was small and dimly lit, with nearly every flat surface covered in various limbs and viscera, most of which appeared to be animal in origin. A long, low, tank full of dead fish lined the wall to her right, 'enhancing' the horrible smell of the place.

"Don't throw up," her hooded assailant sad casually, removing her gloves, "I'd rather not have to hose you down and ruin my marks." Roxanne glanced down at herself; she had been covered in bright red dotted lines that had been drawn in red sharpie. Oh god.

"So," her captor continued, "I take it you and Megamind have cozied up, then?"

"Th-that's none of your business!" Roxanne shot back, her voice a quivering shriek, "Let me go! Let me go right now!"

The hooded figure approached, produced some measuring tape, and quietly started to take down the length of Roxie's arms and legs. She fought and struggled, but the bindings were just too tight; this wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Roxanne watched in horror as her captor walked over to one of the worktables, casually wiped the gore off an old scalpel, and turned to approach her once more.

"Oh, don't worry. You'll-," the woman started in a cheerful tone, but was cut short by the sound of outraged snarling from the ceiling, followed by the bangs and crashes of a fight. She let out an aggravated snarl, "Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me. Already?"

"HELP!" Roxie shrieked, "DOWN HERE!"

"Don't waste your breath. Minion already knows where the labs are; they'll likely be down here as soon as they're done fighting the landsharks." She gave the scalpel in her hand a thoughtful look, then casually tossed it back on the table and left the room.

* * *

Minion was the first to burst into the room, but he immediately averted his eyes when he saw Roxanne tied naked to a chair. What had the Tailor been _doing_? Megamind, however, shoved right past him and rushed over to her, frantically untying the crying woman and asking if she was alright. She clung to him, burying her face in his shoulder as he did his best to soothe her, and again Minion looked away, feeling very out of place.

Thank god he had heard Kitten's frantic yelling in the background when Megamind called him; once he got him to put her on the phone, she was able to tell him exactly what had happened. If it had taken them any longer to get here, well, he didn't want to think about it. He wasn't sure whether it was smart or stupid of the Tailor to return to the exact same lair again, but Kitten had assured them she'd be here.

The fishtank caught his attention, and he walked over to investigate. It was in a serious state of neglect; the water had evaporated low enough that the filter could no longer capture it, meaning no filtration at all. A lack of heater meant no heat in the chilly subterranean room; not a surprise that all the fish in it were dea-

Wait. What was that?

Another flicker of movement, brief, but enough to catch his eye. In the back corner of the tank, near the useless filter, was a fish very like himself, though not so big. Her jaw was smaller and more delicate, but with longer teeth. Fancier, fluffier fins, but no tendrils along her belly. And a shade of blue so pastel it was almost white, instead of his dark greens. She hung there sideways in the water, motionless save for the motion of her gills flaring and the slight gaping of her jaw as she gasped and struggled to breathe the polluted water.

"Uh, Sir? I-I think you should see this." He glanced back at Megamind, who had pulled one of the Tailor's labcoats out of the cabinet for Roxanne to cover herself with.

"What is it, Minion?"

" It's...whatever I am, but female," he replied, pointing at the tank.

Megamind walked over to take a look, "That doesn't make any sense. We were the only survivors."

"Guys," Roxanne said, shuddering a little, "You can figure all this out later, I just want to get _out _of here."

"B-but what about-?" Minion started.

Roxanne shook her head, "Pretty sure there's nothing alive left in that tank, and if there is, then it doesn't have long."

Megamind stood back up, "I'll escort Miss Ritchi to the surface. Minion, you see if you can get some sort of container to transport the fish in."

Minion nodded, feeling absolutely overwhelmed. There were other survivors. They weren't alone. A quick search of the surroundings unearthed a glass pitcher. Not the best thing, but it would have to do. He filled it with clean (he hoped) water from the tap, then grabbed the net to catch her with.

The poor thing thrashed wildly to avoid it, but she couldn't really swim in her condition, so he netted her easily. "It's okay," he reassured, releasing her inside the pitcher, "I'm trying to help you, honest!"

Minion held the pitcher to eye level to get a better look at her. Now that she was in clean water, the little female seemed to be breathing more easily, though she was still floating sideways. He started to walk back out to the car with her, taking care not to step on any of the little blue cubes that were once landsharks.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Please, please let her be able to talk. The fish just regarded him for a long moment with her orange eyes. "You'll be alright. You're in clean water now, and we're going somewhere safe."

She took a deep breath of the water, and then shut her eyes.

* * *

"Would you mind sharing my room tonight, or would you prefer I took the sofa?" Megamind asked. He had insisted on Roxanne spending at least the night in the lair, and she had no objections. At least for tonight, she didn't want to be alone.

"I think we can share," she replied, not wanting to put him out of his bed.

"For once," Megamind said, looking over at the fishtank, "I think Minion's going to be a bit too distracted to lecture me on it."

"Do you think there are other survivors out there?"

"Of my species? don't know. It doesn't make sense that there would be. I mean, only two pods left before the system was completely destroyed. ...Unless, perhaps, my species colonized several planets and only lost one, but still. Why would others turn up _here_, of all places?"

Roxanne frowned a little at the though. She knew it was terrible of her, but she didn't _want _there to be other survivors. If there were, what if she lost him to them? It made her feel sick at heart that such a thing could be possible.

" Who knows," Megamind continued, "It might not even be the same sort of fish, just an earth species with a lot of superficial similarities. I mean, I'm physiologically quite close to a human male, despite being technically very different."

She nuzzled his neck gently, and gave him a wicked grin, "Not that those differences are _bad…_"

He responded with that smug smirk, which had somehow gone from infuriating to endearing over the past few months, "Well, I suppose I shouldn't complain about being irresistible."

"…At first, I thought _you _had kidnapped me."

Megamind winced, "Well, that had to be awkward." He gave her a tender smile, and brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes, "Look, you've had a trowmatic day. You should probably get some rest. Don't worry, you'll be perfectly safe here."

Roxanne certainly hoped so.


	14. It's Not About Revenge

Minion peered into the castle where the little female was resting. She was laying against the gravel at the back wall of it, not moving save for her gills. However, he color had darkened dramatically to a more intense blue; if she was coming back into color, she was probably starting to feel a little better.

He cautiously swam in, trying to project friendliness towards her, and got a weak sense of welcome in response. With a quick, careful motion, he dropped a few bits of flake food in front of her, then darted back out of "her space".

"Come on," he said, giving her a worried look, "You need to eat something."

She gave him a questioning look, then glanced down at the flakes.

"It's food. Please."

The female nibbled at the edge of one of them, then almost immediately spit it out. No dice.

"Look, you're not exactly strong enough to catch live food, and you need to eat _something, _even if it's not as good as live food, okay?"

She scowled a little at him, then shut her eyes. Minion sighed and swam out of the castle, feeling very worried. She needed her strength if she was going to recover, and there was so much he needed to ask her. Who was she? How had she gotten here?

A molly picking at the leaves of a nearby plant caught his attention, and Minion dipped into the shadows under one of the rock decorations, watching it carefully. Narrowing his eyes in concentration, he pulsed just one of the bioluminescent bulbs along his crest, waving it just a bit.

The molly took notice of the lure, and darted towards it; his jaws had closed on it before it even knew it was in danger.

When he slipped back into the cave, the female was hanging sideways in the water again, but she opened her eyes and sent a sense of greeting towards him. He released his prize, and the confused, injured molly swam right towards her. With two quick bites, she devoured it. Minion could feel her gratitude pinging along his lateral lines. He smiled at her, and to his surprise she managed a smile back… and drifted so that she was floating upside down instead of sideways.

He turned to swim out again to let her rest, but was stopped by a thin, frail voice through the water, "Don't go."

_She could speak! _Word just could not describe how happy that made him; he had been so scared she would be 'just a fish' like all the others! Not to mention this made _his _life much easier; he wouldn't have to stumble through the 'fish talk' that he was no good at.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm dizzy"

"Can I help?"

She shook her head, and squirmed to orient herself, hanging sideways in the watter once more, "I don't know. I've never had this happen before."

"Well… are you still hungry?"

"No; I've had enough for now."

Minion was a bit relieved at that; she had refused the flakes, and he wasn't a very skilled hunter yet. He hesitated for a long moment, almost afraid to ask his next question. "Were… were there others like you in your old home?"

"No."

"Where were you _before?_"

"Before what?"

"Before the Tailor's tank?"

She regarded him silently for a long moment, thrashed to right herself, and immediately drifted over to her side again, "I-I don't remember anything Before."

That was disheartening, but he shook it off. "Well, I hope you feel better soon. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

* * *

Elsewhere, the Tailor was silently rehydrating her pets. Fortunately the so-called "heroes" had left in too big a hurry to bother collecting the cubes, so everyone was accounted for. Well, everyone except Drooler, but that was hardly news. That particular lipless monstrosity was always wandering off and getting himself lost. Idiot creature.

How had they found her so quickly? That was the infuriating part. She had planned to leave Roxanne's remains in a cardboard box on their doorstep before they ever realized that the woman was missing, but no. They had to arrive ahead of schedule and spoil everything. Not to mention they _stole _from her.

Of course, she wasn't _upset, _she had just wanted to see what his reaction would be to finding his mate in a bunch of gooey little pieces. It wasn't _revenge_. She had planned the whole thing in the interest if scientific advancement. Revenge for wrecking her plans and revealing the location of her lab and having her subjects taken and setting her research back for months had absolutely nothing to do with it. She had no interest in revenge. Her only interest was in observation. He would regret the day he had chosen to make things so _difficult, _but revenge was beneath her.

Although… perhaps he had done her a favor, removing the silly little brunette before the vivisection. After all, simple butchery was so inelegant-_I can do better than that, I think_.

Time to get to work.

* * *

Minion awoke to find himself alone in the cave, and swam out in a panic. Fortunately, the female had not gone far; she was doing her best to scrape the algae off the glass with her fangs. She seemed to be doing a better job of holding herself upright, though the slipping towards hanging sideways in the water was ever-present. She'd right herself, then tip, then right herself, then tip again.

Still, it was better than she had been doing. Minion swam up, and was met with a friendly smile, "You look like you're feeling better."

"I am," she said, turning to look at him and turning upside down at the same time, "I even managed to get a bite off of one of the other fish earlier. She got away, but the fin was good."

"That's great!" Minion said, before something else occurred to him, "Oh yeah, um, can you not eat the goldfish? She's… kinda a pet."

The female hesitated, "Oh. Well, uh, the good news is, I only took off part of her tail."

"Oh."

She flashed him a nervous grin, before struggling to right herself again, "S-sorry."

"Well, now you know."

She started to reply, then flashed something outside the tank a terrified look. Her colors paling drastically, she fanned her fins in alarm. More than a little startled, Minion looked out to see what had upset her.

It was just Megamind, coming to feed the tank. Mumbling "good morning" through a yawn, he started to sprinkle the flakes on the surface of the water.

"Good morning sir!" Minion pipped before whispering to his new friend, "Look, you don't need to worry about Megamind; he's really nice."

"Are you sure?" she replied, eyeing the humanoid figure suspiciously.

"Yes, I'm sure," he murmured, "We grew up together."

The little female, however, just wasn't going to have it. She turned and started to struggle her way back to the castle, doing her best to stay upright and failing miserably. Minion followed after her, gently giving her a nudge to set her upright, "Do, uh, do you want some help?"

"Yes, please," she mumbled, practically radiating her embarrassment.

He moved beside her, letting her lean against him as they swam back into the castle together. The feel of her fins, her scales against his was just unreal, and it sent a small shiver through him. She was real. He was touching her and she was real. Once they were back under the cover of the castle, the young female gave him a pretty smile before settling in to sleep some more. "Thanks"

"A-anytime," he stammered, gazing at her for a long moment before swimming back out to the rest of the tank.

* * *

Megamind yawned widely, watching as Minion fixed his morning coffee, just the way he liked it. 237 milliliters of drip-brewed black coffee, 400 milliliters of vanilla creamer, and 35 grams of sugar. The perfect start to any day. Of course, Minion had a tendency to make the measurements with something less than laser-precision, but so long as it was close Megamind didn't mind.

"So, did you have a nice night, sir?" Minion asked, setting the cup down in front of him.

Megamind took a long deep sip of it. Aah, the breakfast of champions, "Yes, I did. Be sure to ask Roxanne what she'd like for breakfast when she awakens. …How about you? How is the, uh, the fish we found doing?"

"She's doing a little better," Minion replied, "She's having a lot of trouble swimming, though."

Megamind frowned a little, "Do you think she's going to make it?" How disappointing it would be to find another one of their own, then to have her die on them. Minion wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Well, I think so, but I don't know what to do for her."

Megamind smiled, recalling how he'd seen Minion help her back into the castle, "I think she likes you."

An adorable shocked expression crossed his friend's face, and he stammered ,"R-really?"

"Well, you did save her life," he continued, "I was so busy helping Roxanne I would have never noticed her."

"I…I guess I did. ….Do we have a phone number for Wayne?"

"I don't believe so. Why?"

"Well, sir, he has more experience dealing with females than you do."

Megamind was shocked. Of all the audacious… "I have _plenty _of experience! For crying out loud, Minion, just be nice to her."

"Sir, you met your one girlfriend ever by kidnapping her 342 times."

"Well, technically, we kidnapped Little Miss Swims Sideways too!" Megamind defended.

Minion scowled at him, "She was _dying._ It wasn't a kidnapping, it was a rescue!"

He realized how upset Minion was starting to look, and backed off a bit, "I know, I know, calm down. ...Look, right now she's still sick. Let's get her healthy before we worry about getting her to date you, okay?"

Minion sighed, "You're right, sir."

* * *

In a ship not too far off, Servant quietly made a small course correction. She glanced over at her sleeping mistress, watching the rise and fall of her chest, before looking at the readouts once more. That pod had to have zeroed in on this little planet they had detected; no others suitable for life were within range.

Servant gave a wide yawn, then adjusted her coils to a more comfortable position. She dare not fall asleep, though; not until Galaria woke up. Tracking work was very sensitive business without an auto-tracer, and their has fallen into disrepair some time ago. Snoozing through a vital update could set them far off course.

So she gave herself a little shake, then turned her attention back to the readouts. They would arrive soon enough.


	15. Magnets, How Do They Work?

To move, or not to move. That was the question.

Near the edge of an abandoned slaughterhouse, a lone, hooded figure sat perched on what used to be a feeding trough. She quietly eyed the powerful electromagnet in front of her, fuming at her current situation. She couldn't risk staying at this lair because the _new _defender of Metro City knew where it was, and she couldn't leave because this idiot device protected her from the old one.

Scattered in the surrounding thin woodland were two additional magnets, not unlike the one she was staring at now. If only she knew how and why they had had the effect they had! Then it would be as simple as picking them up and moving them along with everything else. But no. The slightest change in position or power could ruin the whole thing. Or perhaps it would have no effect whatsoever. She didn't know.

Such a stupid idea that had been, making them so powerful. Every time she turned the damn things on, they tore her underground lair half to hell with their power. The Tailor didn't know much about electromagnetism; she had only read that it could be used to confuse and disorient birds, and catching wild ones would be so much simpler than stealing parakeets from pet stores. But the fields dissipated rapidly over distance, so they needed to be strong. Were she mathematically gifted, she might be able to figure out the minimum amount of power needed, but that required knowledge she didn't possess, so she had made them all strong enough to pull a car off the road.

Who knows, maybe the magnets would be able to protect her from Megamind as well. They probably wouldn't have the same unusual effect that they had had on Metroman, but she'd bet her landsharks that they'd tear a Brainbot to pieces. …And send those pieces hurtling through the air like shrapnel, likely cutting both Megamind and herself to ribbons. And that's nothing compared to the damage it'd do to her lab… It probably wasn't a good idea to draw the blue hero's attention to them, anyway. She might have only a weak understanding of how they worked, but it'd be surprising if Megamind didn't know magnets inside and out.

Was Metroman really dead? That's what it all came down to. Was he gone? The "copper" weakness stunk of a bad lie. How would such a hero carry change? Or time and time again defeat a villain who used copper wire in all of his devices? She had seen the bones just like everyone else, but something didn't quite add up. Perhaps it was just a clever ploy to trick her into leaving the safety of her lair. Or perhaps she was being a paranoid idiot.

Damn it. To move or not?

* * *

**Identification**: Brainbot #411

**Current Status**: Seeking Roxanne Ritchi for care and protection protocol.

**Stimulus Detected**: Sound, GPS information.

**Analysis**: Roxanne Ritchi is in the shower getting sprayed with water. Water is not fun.

**Obtaining Directive**: Guard shower until Roxanne Ritchi leaves shower.

**New Status**: Fetching towel

* * *

Roxanne shut her eyes, enjoying the sensation of the hot water running down her back. She had finally managed to scrub away the very last of the Tailor's marks, and it felt good to be rid of them. Although she had enjoyed the relative safety of Megamind's lair, it felt good to be back home. Even though it was a familiar place, the lair creeped her out a bit. There was no telling what was sentient there, and what wasn't; she'd watched Minion take the better part of half an hour to talk a _lamp_ down from the scaffold it had climbed up.

She shut off the water and pulled back the shower curtain, only to find herself face-to-face with a glowing red eye. She let out a startled shriek, stepping back and pulling the curtain back against her. It made a whirring noise, and attempted to hand her a towel.

"Why… _why _is there a Brainbot in my bathroom?" she asked no one in particular. "You're not one of the ones with a camera, are you?"

"Bowg bowg brrowg?" the machine replied, trying again to give her the towel.

She relented and took it from.. him? It? This one wasn't pink, so probably 'him'. "Don't look"

The Brainbot turned around obediently, pointing its eye at the door.

"And no watching while I'm getting dressed. …Actually, you can just go back home to Megamind. Please."

"Brrrrrrrg," it showed no signs of moving.

"I'm sure he has much better things for you to do than creep around here. Seriously, shoo!"

"BOWG BOWG BOWG!" the Brainbot zipped out of the room, only to return seconds later with one of her shoes clamped in it's mouth. Roxanne groaned and hid her face in her palm while the excited Brainbot frantically tried to hand it to her.

"Just… put it down, okay?"

It dropped the shoe.

"Good boy. Now leave the room"

Roxanne watched it wiz out of the room, and quickly got dressed, drying her hair and applying her makeup in peace. Once she was ready to go, she peeked out, only to have the Brainbot fly up to her with her purse in it's mouth, bowging excitedly.

"_Stay. _I don't want you following me to work."

It gave her a blank look in response, then flew in a tight little circle, bouncing up and down like an excited puppy. She carefully shut and locked the door behind her, hoping that would be enough to keep it contained until she could let Megamind know that one of his "pets" had followed her home.

* * *

Unfortunately, she wasn't that lucky. No sooner had Roxanne stepped out of the cab, the Brainbot appeared from overhead and fell into line behind her; it had probably been flying after the taxi. Trying to ignore the pest, she walked over to where her new camerawoman was waiting. She hadn't spoken much with the new girl, but she was nice enough. A definite improvement over Hal, anyway. Showed up, did her job, went back home.

"Hey Miss Ritchi," she said, her eyes flicking to the Brainbot briefly, "Uh, ready to get this show on the road?"

"Yeah. …I'm sorry, your name just isn't sticking," Roxanne replied apologetically.

"Oh, no worries," came the reply as she hefted the camera to her shoulder, "It's Karen Mar- HEY!"

In the half a second it had taken for her to lift the camera to her shoulder, the Brainbot had attacked in a frenzy, trying to pull the expensive piece of equipment from her hands, BOWG-ing as loud as it possibly could.

Against her better judgment, Roxanne grabbed the Brainbot and started trying to pull it free, "Put that down! Let her go!"

"Make it let go! It's gonna wreck it!"

"Brainbot, put it down! You put it down _right now!_"

With a growl, the Brainbot released the camera, sending it and it's owner sprawling backwards; fortunately, there was a nice young woman in the way to break the camera's fall. Oddly unfazed, Karen just started to check it over for damage. "Looks okay. What was _that _all about?"

Roxanne heaved a sigh, "I don't know, it probably thought it was a weapon. Are you hurt?"

"Just my dignity."

Roxanne turned to glower at her little bodyguard, "Go _home._"

"Bowgbow!" Again, it showed no intention of leaving her alone.

"S'cool, Miss Ritchi. We can just work around it."

Roxanne gave the Brainbot a hard look, "Are you going to cause any more trouble?"

It nodded excitedly. _Right, _she thought, _created for mayhem._

"…I need you to _not _cause trouble."

The response to that was a dejected sigh from the robot.

"Okay," she said, stepping into position and nodding at Karen, "Ready."

"Uh… is it okay with you if it's in the shot?"

Roxanne turned to find that it had floated into view right behind her, "Can you move?"

"Bowg."

"Move, you're not supposed to be in the shot!"

"Bowg!"

She looked back at Karen, "I guess we're doing the shot with a Brainbot in it." The camerawoman just shrugged and gave the signal to begin.

* * *

"Wake up!"

A harsh voice jarred Hal awake from his nap in the high-backed chair in his cell, and he opened his eyes blearily to see the Warden standing there with two guards. The hell was going on now? He'd only eaten, like, an hour ago.

"Get up, and hold your arms out. You're being transferred."

That got his attention. "What, why?"

"You've been recategorized as low-risk, so you're being put in with the general prison population. Cellblock D."

Oh god, anything but that. He'd heard stories. The guys in cellblock D were _animals._ There's no way he'd make it if he were thrown in with those lifers! "But...I had superpowers, I should totally stay in here!"

The Warden didn't answer, simply gave a signal to the guards, who approached Hal. He backed away frantically, "Aw c'mon man, it's not like there's anybody else that needs this cell! You can't throw me in there!"

A moment later he felt the bite of the tazer, and then everything went fuzzy. Hal felt the guards cuff him, and was vaguely aware of being dragged down the hall. As he was pulled past the records office, he saw a small black-and-green snake slither out of it, disappearing around the corner.

He started to say something, but thought better of it; what if they tazed him again? Or did something worse? Ugh, who cared. Cellblock D. Un-freaking-believable. He hoped that stupid snake bit the Warden; that'd show him.

* * *

Elsewhere, Minion was being chewed out by one very disgruntled Betta. The fishtalk was coming to him easier the more he tried it, but conversations with agitated fish were always easier than more nuanced discussions. Right now, the communication was practically buzzing off of the showy red fish as he flared his fins. _::Your mate destroyed my bubble-nest!::_

Minion winced, more than a little embarrassed, _::I don't know if she's my mate::_

The betta's anger ebbed a bit, replaced by confusion, _::Aren't you the same type?::_

_::Yes::_ Minion replied, trying to decide how to explain how complicated the situation was. Even if he could say it, would the other fish understand it? The betta was better than the goldfish, but all you had to do was see him trying to fight his own reflection to realize he wasn't better by much.

_::Oh!::_ the betta said, perking with a realization, _::You're a kind where the female picks, aren't you?::_

_::I have no idea,::_ Minion replied, _::There's never been others::_

The betta didn't seem concerned, _::You'll figure it out. Nobody showed me how to make a nest. I just knew. You'll know too.::_

Despite the source, that actually made Minion feel a lot better. 'Normal', unintelligent fish figured this sort of thing out all the time; if anything, being a little smarter should put him at an advantage, right…?

Just then, a wave of alarm hit him from the betta, and the smaller fish disappeared back into the plants. He turned to see what had caused the reaction, and saw Sideways coming out of the castle with a yawn. She was only listing to the side a little now-whatever had plagued her had mostly subsided by now.

He quickly swam over to greet her, stopping a respectful distance away, "You look like you're feeling a lot better!"

"I am," she replied, moving her fins in a way that sent a shiver through him. "Sorry I've been such a pig about the food," she said, curling her fins in the equivalent of a blush, "I'm still getting used to the idea of being fed every day."

"That's fine. I know the Tailor's not exactly the best host."

Her eyes widened in shock, "You were one of her fish too?"

"Er… sort-of. But I was in my suit the whole time. ...And I didn't know you were there then."

She considered this for a long moment, before swimming over to the side of the tank to eye the suit curiously, "How does it work?"

Minion started to answer, but a Brainbot flew near the tank, the blue light from it making the seams along Sideways's sides glow faintly for an instant. He felt a sick lurch in his stomach, but kept his voice steady, "When I'm in the helmet I can walk around and use the arms, it's pretty neat." He _could _have told her all the specifics of the suit, but stuck with his better judgment.

She seemed satisfied with the answer, however. "I would be so scared that the glass would break," she replied, giving a little shiver.

"Well, it did once, but I was next to a fountain."

"What's a fountain?"

"It's a decorative thing full of water."

Sideways darted through the connecter and into the suit, moving surprisingly quickly despite her showy fins. The suit didn't recognize her, so it's not like it would be going anywhere any time soon, but it still made Minion a bit uncomfortable to see someone else in _his _body.

"Er, I'd rather you didn't do that, please."

"Oh! Sorry!" she replied, quickly swimming back out, "I was just curious."

"Well," he said, smiling at her, "It _is _pretty neat."

However, Sideways was looking out the side of the tank again; she gestured with a fin at a few of Megamind's incomplete evil inventions, "What are those for?"

"Oh, that's from when Megamind used to be a villain."

She turned, giving him a surprised look, "He switched sides? I didn't know you could do that."

"Well," Minion started as his new friend looked at him with rapt attention, "It all started when we accidentally killed Metroman…"


	16. Dr Pepper and UFOs

Roxanne shifted a little as she felt a slight weight settle on to the bed next to her. Opening her eyes, she saw that a little mangled grey tabby was starting to cuddle up next to her. She frowned a little, moving to shoo the cat away, "I seem to remember getting you your own bed."

Sassy responded by giving her the most pathetic look she could manage, and Roxie relented, rubbing her softly behind the ears. "Okay, okay, you can share, but just for tonight."

"BOWGBOWGBOWGBOWGBOWG!"

The cat let out a terrified shriek as the Brainbot suddenly dived at it, making as much noise as it possibly could. Roxanne sat bolt upright as her pet disappeared under the bed, then scowled as the Brainbot started to make itself comfortable where Sassy _had _been laying.

"Hey!" she scolded, "What did I say about playing nice?"

"Brrrrg," the Brainbot, looking away.

"She lives here and you're just a guest. You're not allowed to scare her."

It considered her for a long moment, then went to cuddle in anyway.

"No. Go away. You're not allowed to sleep on the bed."

It whined.

"_Go._"

With an irritated crackling sound, Brainbot #411 slunk down to the foot of the bed, curling up there. Little cat eyes appeared at the edge of the bed nearest her. "It's okay, Sassy. It's safe to come back up."

The Brainbot let out a growl as the young cat huddled up to her, but she shot it a harsh look, "Be nice."

This was getting ridiculous. Roxanne reached over and grabbed the phone off her nightstand.

* * *

Megamind, meanwhile, was busily studying his idea wall. The lights were all off, save for the fish tank and the brainbot's natural glow. Though any boring, normal person would find it quite difficult to read under such dim lighting, the lack of illumination suited him perfectly. The rest of the city was often too bright and too garish for his tastes; why the simple people of Metrocity liked it that way was beyond him.

The Tailor needed to be taken down; that much was certain. He had even heard that the Warden had cleared out his old cell in preparation for her capture. …Odd that a female would be sent to that prison instead of the other one, but perhaps it was the only place with a cell deemed secure enough.

Megamind agilely scaled one of his many ladders, taking a closer look at the notes that had been hung higher from the ground. He wouldn't need to go _find _the Tailor, that much was clear; even when it was discovered, the Tailor had made no attempt to move her lair. Sure, she had some means of disappearing when trouble showed up, but the compromised location hadn't been enough to send her scurrying for safer ground.

Still, he was hesitant to attack; it could well be another trap that she was just waiting to spring. He had to have a foolproof, solid plan of attack before he made any bold moves. Something remarkably clever, surprisingly ingenious, and absolutely backfire-proof. Until then, he had to be on the defensive, watching for even the slightest-

From somewhere in the lair, his phone rang, interrupting his train of thought. Without even turning to look, Megamind held out his hand expectantly, and almost immediately one of the Brainbots slipped it into his palm.

"Olo?"

"Megamind, _why _has a Brainbot been following me around?"

What a silly question. "It's for protection, of course!"

A pause from the other end, "You sent _one _Brainbot to protect me?"

"Well, it can summon others in an instant," he replied, waving at one of the Brainbots and pointing towards the other side of the planning area, "But I thought having a whole swarm of them at all times might be a bit of a hassle for you." The Brainbot signaled another, and together they pulled the wheeled ladder he was standing on over to where he had indicated.

He heard Roxanne shout a muffled "Stop that!" to something on the other end, then her voice came back stronger as she spoke back into the receiver, "It's scaring my cat!"

Megamind climbed halfway down the ladder, then jumped backwards, landing comfortably in his high-backed chair. "He won't hurt her, I promise. 411 just gets a bit jealous when others are getting attention."

"He's also _really _hard to work around and he tried to destroy a camera after following me to work!"

Megamind lazily spun his chair so he was facing the wall, "He didn't seem to be causing any problems when I watched your spot this evening." Pushing off of the wall with a strong kick, he sent his chair wheeling back towards his cluttered desk, "He was just hovering in the shot."

"That was _after _I got it to let go of the camera."

Megamind grabbed his cup, only to find it utterly empty. Drat! And the Brainbots were no good with beverages-they always spilled them! He needed Minion. "I don't see why you're so worked up about this Roxanne. He'll do whatever you tell him to!" Seeing Minion in the distance, he stood up on his chair and waved his free arm frantically, giving what he assumed was the international signal for _I have a dire need for refreshment yet my cup is empty and this is a crisis!_ A low-flying Brainbot snapped at his waving hand, and he quickly pulled it out of the way. "Well," he corrected to Roxanne, "For the most part, anyway."

Ah, thank goodness! Minion had seen him and was on his way over, looking worried. "Megamind," Roxanne scolded through the phone, "I don't want a Brainbot following me around all the time and terrorizing my cat!"

"What is it, sir?" Minion asked, looking concerned. Megamind simply handed him the empty cup and made a shooing gesture. The fish rolled his eyes and walked off, _hopefully _to go get him a refill.

"You're making him out to be a monster!" Megamind replied, flopping back into his chair, "Just give the little guy a chance!"

"Remind me exactly why I need to have it around?" she said, her voice _very _annoyed.

"Because _I _can't hear you call for help across the city like Metro Man could." What was taking Minion so long? He drummed his slender fingers across the desk, waiting.

"It was only one kidnapping!"

"I hardly see how that matters, Roxanne," he said. Still no sign of Minion. Perhaps he should send a few Brainbots after him to be sure he was still on track? No, no… they'd likely only distract him more.

"Because that was the first time someone other than _you _kidnapped me, and I don't think the Tailor has a crush on me."

Finally! Minion was coming back! About time. "That's exactly the problem, Roxanne. I would never have actually hurt you. But we both know the Tailor would have if I hadn't intervened."

Megamind took a big gulp of his fresh Dr. Pepper, and nearly choked. Wrinkling his nose in disgust, he held the phone to his chest and went to hand the cup back to Minion, "Minion! You forgot to add sugar again!"

"Sir, the sugar content is already-"

"Code: Just do it, Minion! Oh, and a little bit of creamer, too!"

"We're all out, sir."

"Fine, just double the sugar again!"

Minion heaved a sigh, "Code: Right away, sir." He turned and trudged off to go fix the drink. To think! Dr. Pepper without additional sugar! Next thing you know, Minion would be trying to serve it to him cold as well! Shaking his head a little, he held the phone back to his ear, "Roxanne, look, we hardly know _anything _about why she took you. Which is why I am taking every precaution. For the time being, the Brainbot stays."

For a long moment he thought she was going to fight with him about this, but she relented, "Alright, fine. How do I get it to play nice?"

Megamind reclined back, putting his feet up on his desk, "Well, what has he been doing that you don't like?"

"Aside from following me everywhere? He's been scaring Sassy."

" Well, the following you around isn't going to stop, but have you specifically told him not to interact with the cat?"

"I've told him to stop scaring her."

" Hmm. In that case, specifically forbid him from interacting with the cat, and make it clear that that's an order. The Brainbots are loyal and obedient, but occasionally they do require a firm hand."

"Okay. I'll let you know how it works."

"Sleep well, Roxanne." Excellent, here Minion was coming with the fresh cup, hopefully he got it right _this _time!

"Good night, Megamind."

He hung up the phone and took a deep sip of the warm, sugared Dr. Pepper. Ahh, perfection.

* * *

Servant looked down at the dark powerstation, then up at her mistress. With nightfall, the primates that lived in this place had mostly settled in for the night; however, even if it had been daylight, the ship's cloaking technology would have kept them well-hidden from prying eyes. "According to the readoutsss, this iss the place. Sshould we try to ssignal him before landing?"

"Of course!" Galaria scoffed in reply, running a single finger down her servant's scales, "It would be rude to just show up." She reached for the call button, but her reptilian companion quickly moved, blocking her hand.

"Remember, we don't know what sshape he will be in, given the horrid conditionss he wass raised in. You may wissh to mentally prepare for the worsst."

"We know he's here," Galaria said, looking annoyed, "I even got visual confirmation earlier today."

"We know he'ss here. We don't know how mentally intact he iss."

Galaria grabbed her green-and-black servant, casually moving her off of the control panel and back to the floor. "Nonsense, I'm sure he's perfectly fine and can't wait to come home."

"But he-"

"I mean, _look _at this miserable little mudball! Who'd want to live _here?_"

"Misss, we don't know if-"

"That's enough, Servant."

Servant dipped her head respectfully, falling silent as her mistress hit the call button, hailing the building below them. A few seconds later, they got their answer. His face appeared onscreen, and he started to say "Who is-?" before falling silent, just staring at them. He flicked the power off, and then on again, as if checking to see if it were some sort of glitch.

Galaria smiled warmly at him, "You must be Sarinth." No response; he just stared at them with wide green eyes. This seemed to spook her mistress a bit, who asked, "Are you alright?"

He swallowed hard, still staring at her. _Poor thing, _Servant mused, _he's never seen a female of his own kind before._ Finally, though, he found his voice. "Who… who are you?"

"I'm Galaria. I've come to bring you back home."


End file.
